"AREN'T YOU GUYS EXCITED ABOUT THANKSGIVING?" Khloe Kardashian bleated. Yes, of course, Khloe! Jeez. I love Thanksgiving! I'd love it even more if The X Factor wasn't about to brutally launch two homeless children from the red planet into the dark and desperate night moments before I"m supposed to attend Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow, but sure, whatever. This show is much more important.
"These performances could get very emotional," Britney Spears smugged. That's a verb now. And it was true! The top 10 acts dedicated their performances to loved ones or military members -- dead or alive -- and I cried FOUR TIMES because unlike coach Demi Lovato, I did look at CeCe Frey while she sang to her late purple-loving sister that she was the wind beneath her leopard wings.
Tissues handy? Here we go!
Tate Stevens has followed in his father's footsteps, having previously sacrificed a potential music career to raise a family instead. I thought this segment was cute and touching -- of course I had no idea of the sob sessions to come. Longest-lasting impression: Tate's dad was wearing a freaking sweet blue beaded necklace in one of those old family photos. The country man remained solid on his cover of "I'm Already There," though nothing about it really stood out and I wonder if he'll lose his top spot in the rankings without a memorable Thanksgiving sob story or better placement in the show. No worries, though. According to Simon, "there's a not a cat in hell's chance" Tate will go home.
Mario Lopez showed some stunning range on his series of "AAAAAND!" high notes. But does he have the X factor? I would ask Simon but he just fell asleep during Mario's explanation of whatever The Pepsi Challenge is!
HERE we go with the tears. Apparently you can die from scoliosis and that's what happened to Diamond White's mom -- but just briefly! Deborah is still alive and on hand to talk about Diamond's absent father. I got really confused when Britney suggested to Diamond that tonight Diamond could help her mom "just through your song -- yore like a little angel, probably." Was she still on the operating table? NO! She was in the audience, covering her mouth and shaking with pride as Diamond legitimately killed it on "Because You Love Me." I couldn't believe what a genuine X Factor moment this was!
This was when I sobbed the first time, by the way -- watching the cuts between Diamond and Deborah -- but I would've been just as happy with a constant Deb Cam. You can tell Simon is gunning for this little girl's success -- he called her "really amazing" without a whiff of boredom, though he did feel the need to compliment the other two 13-year-old girls in the same critique. I think Diamond and her denim vest might be my new favorites. Can't have one without the other. They're awesome.
NEXT: Yeah, well my spiritual leader told me it's okay to eat a whole pie today