"Yes," said Khloe Kardashian. Again and again.
And she was right! Yes -- after a two-hour results show that could have been accomplished in 30 minutes or less, 12 of the Top 16 acts of The X Factor's season 2 are moving on in the treacherous laser field of possibility and future despair.
Here are your Top 12!
Carly Rose Sonenclar
1432, soon to be named something else by (gasp!) the public
The poor, unfortunate souls heading home this week are....
From Demi Lovato's Young Adults: Willie Jones
The main thing I remember from this segment is Paige Thomas' GIANT BEACH HAT and the way Khloe kept yanking the mic away from contestants after deliberately asking them questions. But a life was on the line, too. Willie sang "You Don't Know Me" against CeCe Frey's "On My Own." The problem was that Willie looked and acted like a plain old befuddled young adult who was out of his element and knew he was done, while CeCe flawlessly elevated her status to "ancient Greek goddess in a tiny red dress" and really went to town (the ruins behind her) with the drama. She was shaky on the first verse and then improved, making sure to cop a facial expression that was the perfect balance of terror and hope after the final note.
"Woooooooooooo," mouthed one of the bored girls behind Demi Lovato's eyebrows, which tonight had been applied with the same brush that trucks use to paint highways in the middle of the night. Demi looked stern and all-important the whole night in her studded military jacket, like an early '90s supermodel with a MUCH MORE SERIOUS JOB TO DO. "I don't want this to stop you, because I think you're onto something," she told Willie, as if he could go back home and, just like that, "figure out what you need to do to make it your time."
What does any of this babble even mean? Tonight we also heard Britney tell five different acts that they either "really surprised" her or "made a believer" out of her. Everyone could just stop speaking and we'd understand the plot perfectly. Or they could just awkwardly cut to a commercial. Oh look, here's one now.
NEXT: Did L.A. Reid EVER know Jason Brock's name?