After a Wednesday night results show featuring Kelly Clarkson, Bruno Mars, and the most blatant acknowledgement to date that this show is a complete circus, the fourth and fifth "acts" to be eliminated from the X Factor laser field are….
Lakoda Rayne and LeRoy Bell.
Simon Cowell and L.A. Reid wanted to send home LeRoy, while Paula Abdul and Nicole Scherzinger didn't want to send home anybody but eventually pretended they wanted to send home Marcus. That meant we were in deadlock. "DEADLOCK," said the center screen with a big 'X.'
So the public vote determined LeRoy's elimination. Stevecrest the Human Stopwatch took his sweet time opening the tiny envelope with LeRoy's name on it (or what I suspect was a private note from Simon to "shut it.") I love how Steve's alone time is his top priority. Truth be told, I'm a little obsessed with him.
Lakoda Rayne didn't even get to sing for their lives -- no one had voted for them so they were embarrassingly forced to disintegrate into a heap of rhinestones on stage about 18 minutes in. "Girls, that sucks. The dream is over," announced the incredible Steve Jones. The dream was not over, Paige corrected him. "You'll be seeing Lakoda Rayne in concert everywhere," the brunette assured us, forgetting to add, "if you're prone to nightmares."
I'm just kidding -- I will miss all four of Paula Abdul's last remaining pets, and this was a terribly abrupt exit. But we can't blame Stevecrest, who needed the extra time to welcome "the wonderful Howie Mandel" -- or, as he even more hilariously put it later, "Howie Mandel, top man," to plug his new show. "I'VE GOT TO MOVE ON," our restless host suddenly decided, next to Howie. Steve Jones had places to go! He moved about a foot to his left and resumed speaking.
The writing was on the wall -- in this case the GIANT SCREENS -- for the LeRoy Bell vs. Marcus Canty showdown. LeRoy had tranquil waters and just a few twinkling blue stars behind him during his soulful rendition of "Don't Let Me Down," but young Marcus was backed by a more intricate version of The X Factor's opening credits (smoky red galaxy) during his. It was just more dynamic, and to me Marcus is simply a more engaging performer than LeRoy.
NEXT: Why can't the new Twilight movie be three hours of Bruno Mars performing on The X Factor?