Welcome back for the most exciting Voice episode since... well, okay, since last night. But still! Looks like a record-making 36.7 million of you stuck around after the Super Bowl to watch the season premiere, and I'm hoping that none of you missed the second episode, which was filled with coaches pointing and laughing at other coaches. Because you know what I'd say if you missed that? Hahahaha! Hahahaha! Ha.
Auditions begin with a Prince medley and some totally Prince-inspired fashion choices: Cee Lo anchors "Little Red Corvette" while dressed like a giant Christmas tree ornament. Christina takes "1999" and Adam Levine gets high enough to match Prince's falsetto on "I Wanna Be Your Lover," but Blake's Southern-fried version of "Kiss" is most inspired. You don't have to be rich? You don't have to be cool? I'd never realized how just how country that song is.
The night's first audition comes from a Nashville duo called the Line, a nice girl named Hailey and a guy named Leland who (some Google sleuthing has revealed) played Keith Partridge on VH1’s The New Partridge Family. Who knew? Theirs is a classic a boy meets girl story: boy meets girl, boy asks girl out, girl says they're better as friends, boy spends the rest of his life saying they have a "brother/sister" relationship... and trying very hard to sleep with girl.
Together, Hailey and Leland harmonize to Tom Petty's "American Girl" in a nice enough, but kind of forgettable cover. Blake, Christina, and Cee Lo all push their buttons. Christina's strategy? Strike down the competition. "Y'know, Blake, last year...he had a duet, and he ended up sending them home," she reminds Hailey and Leland. Blake defends himself, insisting that he can relate to the male/female duo because, "I'm married to a female vocalist." (Though Adam rightly calls him on that reasoning: "Will you stop using your wife to sell these people?") Then Adam tries the hard sell: "Sometimes it's the less obvious choice that you should go with."
Are we starting to sense a pattern here? Christina disses the other coaches. Blake name-drops his wife, Miranda Lambert. Adam uses counter-intuitive logic. Then the contestants discuss "the hardest decision we've ever made." In this case, they go with Christina, who does a lot of pointing and evil laughing at everyone else. "I think they were fooled by flash and boobs," Blake insists. And he should know about flash and boobs. Did he mention that his wife has both? (Just kidding! Love you, Blake!)
NEXT: An emotional audition for an HIV positive singer