Much like Stefan, I'm not exactly sure how to move on with my life after that last hour. I, too, want to lie in the woods and cry, preferably while Stefan himself holds me. So while I try and wrap my head around what just happened (and the fact that Stefan will never hold me while I cry because he's fictional), a quick explanation: Your lovely TVD recapper, Mandi Bierly, is on vacation, where she's either enjoying a cocktail right at this moment, or crying her eyes out. It all depends on whether she watched tonight's episode. Speaking of which, 'tis time for me to assume the role of Tessa and give you all a crazy trip down a fairly painful (but also incredibly fun) memory lane of what happened tonight:
The episode kicked things off with what was literally my favorite opening of any episode of TVD ever... right behind that one time Stefan growled. At a bus stop in
Delaware Philly, Silas sat alone with a couple, where he told them all about how he loved love. He talked about Amara and how it was love at first sight and how he had cheated on Qetsiyah. He even calmly explained how Qetsiyah then turned Amara into stone, "literally, Medusa-style." And when the couple thought he was crazy, what with all the turn-to-stone and 2,000-year talk, he informed them that it was actually a simple story. See, he and Amara were both immortal. Duh, strangers. Could a man that pretty be that crazy? He then decided to give the lovebirds some advice: Live it up and enjoy love while it lasts. Just a couple days ago, Silas was "psychic, immortal, and in love." Now? His neck hurts, his soul is crushed, and he's sitting at a bus stop. And then, because he could, Silas started to "liquify" the poor fella's internal organs -- did he mention he's a witch? -- because he was pissed at the world and taking it out on them. And when the girl ran away and left her bleeding boyfriend, Silas had proved his point. "Love is so damn fickle," unlike buses, which are "tried and true." Silas climbed aboard. Between the music and Paul Wesley's delivery, that scene was as close to perfection as you can get.
However, not all things were so perfect. Stefan -- back in a wifebeater! -- woke up from a nightmare that was called reliving the past three months of his life. Elena was waiting by his bedside with coffee. Had she brewed it in his room? If so, could his room get any cooler? Elena told him how she lost a friend when he lost his memory, so she wanted to start over. But that didn't exactly work for Stefan, considering he could suddenly remember everything. He told her that before Silas stabbed him, he had planned to drive to Portland. And to prove that Portland wasn't all he remembered, Damon spent the next 30 seconds quizzing him on childhood memories and the origin of his motorcycle (which Damon bought for him!). But Stef remembered it all, from his first birthday cake to drowning in that safe. And just like that, he flashed back to the moment the safe was opened. Losing himself, he broke the super cool glass mug he was holding. Luckily, he healed fast, because they had a situation on their hands "of the doppelganger variety." Aren't they all?
Damon took Stefan to meet crazy pants Amara, who was yelling at people we couldn't see and attempting to bite her own wrist and end her life. Damon told Stefan that Silas was on his way back for his lady love, a.k.a. the screaming Amara who had gone crazy like "those deserted island guys that talk to volleyballs." Best line of the night? Damon: "Let's hope love is blind. Or at least deaf." And while we're talking about love, Jeremy had three things he wanted to tell Bonnie before anything else went wrong with their many plans. First, this was not a goodbye. Second, he thanked her for giving up her life for his. And third, well, she didn't want to hear the third thing so that they'd have to get another moment together in the future. Not quite how it works, but it was sweet. Then they almost-touched, and I have to admit -- I'm pretty over the almost-touching, and I'm not even in the relationship.
NEXT: Who let Jeremy come up with a plan to save Bonnie?