Image credit: Bob Mahoney/The CW
LITTLE MONSTER Stefan (Paul Wesley) worked through his appetite issues.
Damon and Elena took Stefan to the family crypt, to keep him away from humans until they could fix his memory. Was that really a good idea considering the graveyard was going to be filled with people that day? Stefan asked if there was anyone in there he hadn't killed. The second funniest scene of the episode: "Well, we've covered our father, who art in hell," Damon said, ringing the bell he carried. "Uncle Zach, my bad," he continued, accompanied by a more solemn ring. "On the bright side, our mother died of consumption," he added. "Oh good," Stefan said. And ring. Whoever is bringing the funny to the scripts this season -- well done. Damon got a text from Jeremy saying he needed to speak to him alone. That gave Stefan and Elena a chance to catch up.
We'd already learned that Damon hadn't told Stefan much about Elena yet. Stefan said he hoped Elena's backstory wasn't as tragic as his. Ha! She rattled off all those she'd lost. She did not ring the bell because it probably would've made the episode run long. "How do I not remember you?" Stefan said. "You're smart, you're pretty, you're funny. Obviously you're the strongest woman in the world if you managed to figure out a way to get through all of that." So sweet. She said she surrounds herself with amazing people who help her through it, like him. "Bonded by death," he said. "Please don't tell me that we met in a cemetery." Technically, no. To the school they went.
Elena reenacted them running into each other as she walked out of the men's room. Wait, maybe he was coming from the other direction. Perhaps they should try it again. Colliding bodies with Stefan would be a great way to spend an afternoon, I'm sure, but it wasn't helping him remember anything. And since the football team had entered the hallway, and one player was bleeding, it was time for Elena to try something else. She took Stefan outside and showed him how to jump to the roof of the building. So no one who'd just been watching the football team practice or play a game was around to see that? Stefan figured out they'd dated. "I may have amnesia, but I'm not an idiot. I'm a 164-year-old vampire who went back to high school, so I'm guessing that had something to do with you," he said. He guessed his Ripper tendencies were the turnoff. No. He was the most compassionate person she knew, she said. He was always in control. So he bored her? No. It was her, she said. Becoming a vamp had changed her. He wanted to know how she became a vampire. She said she'd show him. Then she fell backwards off the roof, because again, she was sure no one would see? I'll forgive that because that was much cooler than the motorcycle scene when Elena was learning the physical joys of being a vamp.
Jesse had accepted Caroline's invitation to study in the graveyard. She told him she wasn't talking to her boyfriend and explained she just wanted to hang out with him that day because he was smart and nice
and available. He made a classic look over there and when you turn back around, I'll kiss you move. Good kisser. He can stick around. He apologized. He'd just been wanting to do that since the day he met her. Back to studying.
Jeremy did his best to break Bonnie's death to Damon gently. "Don't you say it, Jeremy. Don't you dare," Damon pleaded. Damon didn't want to hear Jeremy say she was dead, because if he did, everything in Elena's life sucks again. Too bad. "Bonnie's dead." Damon was pissed. Like, snarling pissed. When he walked toward Jeremy, you thought he was going to grab him and lock him up so he couldn't share the news with anyone else. Instead, he embraced him. AHHHHHH, Damon.
Elena took Stefan on a walk down memory lane that ended with them gazing upon Wickery Bridge. She explained about her two accidents there, and what a great boyfriend he was as we heard Sara Bareilles' "Gravity," which is a beautiful song but almost too on the nose as fate brought the doppelgängers closer. (Update: I didn't remember it was the song playing behind their first kiss in the series. Thanks, commenter GGael. Now I get it and approve.) Stefan said this was working -- his urge to feed had settled. He could see why he was different around her and not a monster. He scared himself when he saw his vamp face in the mirror. She told him she'd never been afraid of him, and showed him how she'd touched that face when she saw him for who he is and told him not to hide. (She neglected to mention this.) She went to move her left hand away. "Don't," he said, taking it and placing it back on his face. Breathe, self. You must remember to breathe. They leaned in and were about to kiss when she remembered she's with Damon. And she blurted that out. "You're with my brother? And neither of you thought that was something I should know?" he asked. She said they weren't hiding it from him. "And just like that, the hunger returns," Stefan said. And he was gone.
NEXT: Wait, where did Matt get all those cameras?