At the dance for two, Rebekah declared Bon Jovi’s “Wanted Dead or Alive” not as bad as the rest of the ‘80s songs she heard. (Rebekah didn't like the Cure?) Stefan, who’d fetched booze from the teacher’s lounge, said it’s the “godfather of rock anthems.” DAMN STRAIGHT. Rebekah wanted to know why Stefan was so fun tonight, and he said it’s because he can’t listen to ‘80s music and not think of his best friend Lexi, who snuck them backstage once and compelled half a band to do tequila shots with them. Lexi was fearless, like Rebekah, he said. He didn’t sleep with Lexi, he just felt like a better person with her. That’s how he felt with Elena (only with the sex). He had the old sad Stefan look for a moment, and Rebekah said that look is the reason she doesn’t allow herself to care. He said she’s lying. A balloon randomly popped, and Stefan jumped. Rebekah assumed Stefan was afraid Kol had found them. She said she’d protect him and showed him that she had the dagger on her, in her boots. Stefan texted Matt to get there.
Elena, it turns out, had a plan. She was trying to lead Kol, a master at kicking doors, through to Jeremy’s room, where Jeremy was waiting to fire slim stakes at him. Kol caught them, one in each hand, but that meant that Elena could deliver some wooden bullets to his chest while Jeremy ran. Kol threw a stake back at Elena and hit her in the leg. He caught up to Jeremy and tossed him down the stairs. He sent a piece of wood he tore from the railing through Elena's stomach and pinned her to the wall. Wait, he said he wanted to kill her. Just do it first. “Now, about that arm,” Kol said. You know what, Kol, maybe rip it off right there. Don’t drag him down the stairs, even though it looks cool for Jeremy to reach out and try to stop himself from being taken away.
Stefan’s big plan to get the dagger away from Rebekah was to have her do “the Breakfast Club slide” in the hallway. He knew she’d have to take off her boots. Matt was waiting around the corner and watched as Rebekah took out the dagger and walked it over to Stefan. She knew that’s what he wants. “You’re right. I do care. I want stupid koala corsages and a prom. I want to have kids with someone who loves me enough to stand outside my window with a stupid boombox. I want to be human. So let Klaus put down my brother, and let’s go find the cure,” she said, with tears in her eyes. “Come on, let’s go home,” Stefan said. He couldn't do it. Matt almost looked relieved, right, that he didn’t have to dagger her even though he probably wants to?
At Bonnie’s house, Abby was mixing more drugs to keep Bonnie asleep until she could get witches there to erase her mind of whatever Shane had filled it with. Oops, Bonnie was up. She told Abby she doesn’t belong to the spirits, she belongs to herself now and made her mother hurt. Bonnie bolted.
Because all bad things happen in the Gilbert kitchen, that’s where Kol had taken Jeremy. He had Jeremy lying restrained on the island and was holding a cleaver. He was just gonna chop off both arms, to be safe, and then he’d heal Jeremy with his blood so he wouldn’t die. Elena got there just in time to redirect the cleaver into Kol. She kept Kol busy while Jeremy popped up and, in a move that was both brilliant and f---ing hilarious, grabbed the faucet hose and fired a stream of vervain water at Kol.
Elena tossed Jeremy the stake, and he staked Kol. Kol burst into flames that apparently were a special kind of fire that couldn’t spread to the floor he was writhing on. Klaus had shown up, just in time to see Kol ablaze. He had tears and anger in his eyes.
Elena tried to play it off like they had no choice, but Klaus knew they’d set a trap for Kol if he was even inside the house. He said he was going to set the house on fire and kill them when they fled. YES, THIS SHOULD BE YOUR PLAN. Jeremy said Klaus would never get the cure then for Elena to make more hybrids. Klaus let something slip: He didn’t want the cure so he could make hybrids. He wanted it so he could destroy it. He was going to kill them all as soon as he found it. Before he could make good on his arson threat, Bonnie showed up. She crippled him, then told Jeremy to invite him in. Why? She put up some kind of shield to keep Klaus trapped there. Sure, why not. She can pretty much do anything she wants now.
Stefan again broke sad news to Rebekah, this time about Kol. She was hurt that Stefan knew about the plan, and he said he went along with it because Kol was never going to let them find the cure and he wouldn’t let him hurt the people he cares about -- Jeremy, Elena, Damon, and her. He said he still wants them to find the cure together -- for Elena and her. She deserves a second chance, too, to be whatever she wants, he said. Why would Rebekah trust him? Stefan told her she was just going to have to take a leap of faith
and appear on the next season of The Bachelor as soon as she's human.
At Salvatore Mansion, everyone impatiently waited for Jeremy’s mark to grow, Damon was reunited with Elena now that he’s no longer compelled to kill Jeremy, and Stefan arrived home with Silas’ headstone. So Rebekah is still Team Stefan. Bonnie said she drew on the new moon to bind the spell keeping Klaus hostage, so they had three or four days to find the cure. Elena assumed Rebekah was daggered so they just needed to get Professor Shane and they’d be set -- but Stefan said he didn’t dagger Rebekah because she’s on their side. How could he trust her? Damon was more than happy to tell Elena that Stefan had slept with Rebekah. Elena had nothing to say until the brothers started bickering, and then she told them to stop. “Why don’t you tell her to calm down, Damon. You’ve managed to use that sire bond pretty well so far, haven’t you?” Stefan said. BURN! Damon punched Stefan, and Stefan was about to return the favor when Jeremy screamed and RIPPED OPEN HIS SHIRT. I laughed for at least 20 seconds.
There was no way to make that not cheesy. But on the plus side, it was worth the wait. Lookin’ good, son. Like Stephen Amell good. Pause as I think back to season 1, and the first time I did an IMDB age check on Steven R. McQueen. Memories.
The mark grew, and now they all could see it. “Here we go,” Damon said.
Can't wait to see how they bust Professor Shane out of jail to go cure-hunting on an island off the coast of Nova Scotia. Theories?
Your turn. What did you think of the episode?