True Blood recap: Vamp Camp

While cell blocks got more crowded, an old friend paid Jason a visit and trouble found Sookie (as always)
Ep. 05 | Aired Jul 14, 2013

UP FOR PROMOTION Jason (Ryan Kwanten) is joining the LAVTF to save Jessica. Only downside: They wear a lot of clothes.

John P. Johnson

While Andy took his girl back to the office and had her drink vampire blood from an evidence box (whose?), Alcide approached a lady at a bar called The Unfriendly Possum. She thought he was looking for some action -- not someone -- and was going to charge him $50 for an hour. Lady, YOU pay HIM. She hadn’t seen Sam, Nicole and Emma. Alcide tried to ask a man at the bar for info., but nope, apparently backwoods wolves don’t trust city wolves. Alcide’s father explained that to him before they got into a fight over why Alcide was trying to find Emma. Was it because he believed it was the right thing to do, or because he’s trying to impress the lady running his life? Alcide’s his own man and his own wolf, and to prove it, he told Jackson to get out of his life and threw traveling money on him like he was a hooker. You suck, Alcide. But you still look hot.

Eric and Tara arrived at Vamp Camp, and Eric told Tara to find Pam. Meanwhile, naked Jason got woken up by Jessica pounding on his door. She didn’t know where else to go. She was still freaking out about what she’d done and trying to figure out why God wouldn’t just strike her down. Is Bill God, or has she been serving the devil? She wanted to know if Jason had ever loved her. At times, he said. What had he loved about her? “I don’t know. Everything, I guess. Your heart, most of all,” he said. Ah, there’s the disarmingly sweet and honest Jason we keep coming back for (in addition to those abs and ass). Jessica said she needed to be put someplace where she won’t be tempted to sin, which Jason was making her want to do. Well, she got her wish. Sarah had called the LAVTF, and they took “demon whore” Jessica away after she and Sarah exchanged words during a homoerotic hair-pulling catfight that Jason probably would’ve enjoyed in an earlier season of the show. “My body is a f---in’ temple,” Sarah told Jason, “and you have defiled it with your vampire-lovin’ pecker.” Hate her, love her dialogue.

At the Camp, Eric was led into a circular room with three other vamps. They stood on marks, and three blue tennis balls were dropped. Whichever vampire didn’t snag one got shot. Then two tennis balls, and a shot. And then it was down to Eric and a woman. Panels in the wall opened up giving them access to guns. Eric shot her first. He walked into men’s gen pop with a number 1 on his chest. So that was a ranking system. He asked the men if anyone had seen Pam. No one answered him. They just moved out of his way. I hope Eric doesn’t have to wear those prison blues for long. Zero heavage.

Pam, who also has a 1 on her shirt (obviously), was with a psychiatrist, Finn (played by Pruitt Taylor Vince), who told her if she didn’t lie down on the couch now, the guns pointed at her would fire. Her hair and makeup looked great, right? Natural. “Hold the f--- up, am I in therapy?” she asked, jumping back up. She’s not going to talk about her feelings. She wanted to go to the other room and f---. But the "copulation study" is for level 3s, Finn told her. She’s a level 1. Their interest in her is more intellectual. They want to know how she thinks. If she answers questions in a way that he deems truthful, she will be rewarded with their LDP, Living Donor Program. If not, it’s watered down Tru Blood. Pam told him to bring her a donor -- female. She told Finn she cared more about the life of the tuna fish he reeked of than him. She got to feed on Somchai.

NEXT: Terry and Sam get some screen time

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