As a frequent contributor to the Skarsgard Your Loins category over on our PopWatch blog, I wasn't sure I had it in me to embrace Joe Manganiello's Alcide. It's amazing what a broad chest (wide enough to fit at least two Anna Paquins across it), a butt that looks good even in a robe, an apartment in a great building, and a glimpse of a flatscreen TV can do for a girl. We began with Sookie nursing a scratch on shirtless Alcide's back, and his ego — she told him the werewolf that had kicked his ass (Don Swayze) had V in his system, so he shouldn't take it personally. After he shared the start of his sob story — fiancée Debbie left him a month ago, he still hears about her through his beautician sister, Janice — Sookie's hand lingered on the bandage, and she awkwardly told him she was almost done. We're supposed to be sensing sexual tension between the two of them, but it feels like he's doing most of the heavy-lifting, doesn't it?
At that moment, Sookie got a call from Bill, who has apparently earned back his cell phone privileges after pledging his allegiance to the King of Mississippi. We all know that he doesn't really want to say goodbye to Sookie, but he was trying to make her believe it, and he failed in multiple ways. For starters, his voice was too void of emotion. I'm sure he had to turn his feelings off to tell her, ''I've left my life in Bon Temps. And I'm leaving you.'' (Cue the line of the episode, Sookie's ''Shut the f--- up.'') But he sounded so unlike himself that of course, she would think he was only saying she did them both a favor by not accepting his marriage proposal because someone was listening in on the call.
This portion of the conversation, Bill handled well:
''Lorena, actually,'' he said, ''to whom I have just made love.''
''Ca va, Sookie?'' Lorena added into the phone.
''We f---ed like only two vampires can. I didn't hold back for fear of hurting her like I do with you,'' Bill continued.
But then he faltered again. He told her to look at her life since he's entered it. He's only brought her pain. She said that wasn't true. (He also brought her orgasms.) ''I am death. I will bring you only suffering,'' he insisted. ''Our worlds are too different. Our natures, too. We were doomed from the start.''
Sookie said she wasn't buying it, and why should she? The only bit of that speech that felt at all genuine was the ''We were doomed from the start.'' That Bill believed.
''Believe what you want. You are no longer of concern to me,'' Bill told her. ''Do not try to find me. I do not wish to be found.''
NEXT: Read and learn, fellas