'True Blood' season premiere recap: Conscience Off, Fangs On

Bill: I'll take that shower now… unless you care to join me.
Sam: Yeah, I think I would.
Bill: Good. We're gonna have a nice time. I hear the water in Arkansas is… very hard. Come.

Sam was happy his cell phone rang and woke him up before they kissed; I was not. Stephen Moyer was in it to win it. Well done, sir. The call was from the Magnolia Chamber of Commerce, telling Sam that Melinda and Joe Lee Mickens had been evicted from their last known residence three years ago. He thought it was a dead end until the woman said they had a son, Tommy, who works at a nearby gas station. Sam popped by and the young man with ''Tommy'' on his chest denied being Tommy Mickens. He said that Tommy had moved on six months earlier. Sam followed him to a house that night, checked the mailbox, and on a past due bill saw the name Mrs. Melinda Mickens. I hope this storyline gives Sam Trammell something good to work with. He deserves it.

As for the real Bill, he went to ground to heal and hide from the wolf pack. He looked really, really good exiting the earth shirtless, but unlike that time he awoke in the graveyard and had Sookie to ravage (in more ways than one), he was alone. He saw a house and rang the doorbell. It belonged to an old woman on oxygen who'd hoped he was her son, Stanley. She told Bill he looked hungry and invited him inside so she could fix him something. Since the F--- You Crew had taken his cell phone when Sookie dialed him in the car, he asked to use her phone. She didn't have one — she only had enough money for the oxygen or the phone, and since no one calls her, the decision had been easy. ''So, what can I get you to eat?'' she asked Bill. And his fangs were out. Knowing that no one would miss this woman, he could have drained her entirely, but Bill is still Bill. He glamoured her, erasing her memory of him, and gave her a wad of cash, saying that Stanley had come and given it to her to show his appreciation for everything she's ever done for him. (So the Wolves didn't clear Bill's pockets?) He asked the woman, Olivia, where he was, and he figured out he'd crossed over into Mississippi. He heard howling and left. Just as Jessica and Sookie were IDing the ''Operation Werwolf'' symbol, Bill was running through the forest and got surrounded by wolves. ''I should warn you, I've fed,'' he said, popping out his fangs. This would be a good time for Bill to fly, if he could, so I think it's safe to assume he doesn't share Eric's gift.

And there you have it. True Blood is back. Everyone's got a juicy storyline, even Arlene, who could tell from smelling the cinnamon in Lafayette's chili that she was pregnant again. How are you feeling about Operation Werwolf? Which scene did you rewind more: Naked Eric and Yvetta (look at me including her to acknowledge the straight men who also watch this show!) or half-naked Bill and Sam? Who is happy that Bill didn't have some special ringtone for Sookie on his phone, a new TV cliché? (It wouldn't have been his style anyway.) How do you think things will play out between the Magister, Sophie-Anne and Eric? She's been bugging Eric's office (that's how she knows she can trust him). I wouldn't be surprised if one of them turned on the other.

One note before we open the comments section: I've read Charlaine Harris' Sookie Stackhouse series, but I'll always write the recaps as though I haven't so they're 100 percent spoiler-free. I'd encourage you to treat your fellow readers with the same courtesy. IF you feel the need to allude to the novels, please start your comment with the word BOOK, so readers who don't wish to risk a spoiler can skip it.

Now, conscience off, dick on. Go!

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