The X Factor recap: Feed the Birds

The sound of the Top 12 acts is something not quite atrocious. Only you can save them from eternal hunger and despair!
Ep. 14 | Aired Nov 7, 2012

TUPPENCE A SWAG Weird Contacts momentarily assumes the role of Lyric Da Queen's sparkly eye patch. Move it, man!

FOX

Diamond White has returned and there she glimmered in DIAMONDS and an all-WHITE suit. I know it's subtle, but do you get it? Are you smarter than a toddler? You will vote for Diamond White because she sparkles and is pure and has nothing! I appreciated her androgynous look on "I Have Nothing" and there's no denying this girl is a true talent. It wasn't a perfect performance. But she's 13! When I was 13 I could barely speak. Damn braces.

"Diamond is ROCKING the white tonight," botted Mario Lopez. Do you get it now? It's her name.

Carly Rose Sonenclar has a big house in Westchester and a brother in college. Burn her at the stake! She was a total powerhouse (though delicate where she needed to be) on "It Will Rain," and displayed some acting chops as she cried at the end. "I've got a feeling we're watching a star in the making," Simon said for seemingly the two billionth time in his long and storied reality TV career. "You should have closed the show because nobody can follow that," reasoned Britney. Aw, poor Jason Brock.

Maybe Carly should go home, though -- she also own a laptop.

YOUNG ADULTS

No one is prettier than Paige Thomas. How can someone look soooo beautiful in an extreme close-up on dueling six-story-high GIANT SCREENS? Unfortunately, despite an impressive turn as a flying gladiator/goddess at the top of "Take My Breath Away," her overall performance didn't blow L.A. Reid away. "I really want great from you, because I know you're capable," he said. (He has no idea who she is.) Simon and Demi then engaged in a little tiff about the production of Paige's segment. Demi was all "Look! Flames!" and Simon was all "No, change the song." It's so hard to know what exactly should be overblown week to week. The truth is Paige's vocals were not up to snuff. But who's listening to vocals?

Simon continued his Demi-bashing after Jennel Garcia's "I Love Rock and Roll," warning Jennel's coach that the song was a mere carbon copy of Joan Jett and -- as he'd said with Paige -- we don't want this to turn into a karaoke competition. Wait. Then what is it? At some point can everyone just get over themselves and admit that The X Factor, The Voice, and yes, even American Idol are karaoke competitions? They are [Chris Traeger voice] *lit-ruh-lly* the definition of karaoke. It's kids singing famous songs, and they can improvise if they're up for it/drunk enough. Deal with it. Anyway, I thought Jennel looked and sounded fantastic. I can't quite come to terms with Simon's harping on her supposed "makeover." This week Jennel's hair had been straightened. Next week she can go back to her original waves. What the heck is the problem?

Rising up, back on her paws, was good old Leopard Face CeCe Frey (like French fries, thanks Mario) on "Eye of the Tiger." It was just a real s---show, basically. No deliberately humanizing backstory package for CeCe this week -- she just sourpussed about growing up on a farm for awhile -- so her severe 'tude during the judges' thanks-but-no-thanks comments probably won't go over very well with voters. She may have killed it vocally during last week's sing-off, but this fire-based performance -- complete with male backup dancers struggling to break free from a rope wall (awesome) -- was the opposite of that. She just seemed out of breath and defeated. It's hard to root for someone so sullen.

NEXT: Who can touch the most teen hands? The answer may surprise you


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