The X Factor recap: Fright Night

Break out the scary lasers! The Top 16 acts take the live stage for the first time
Ep. 12 | Aired Oct 31, 2012

PORCUPINE ATTACK Mario Lopez asks Paige Thomas what it's like to be a spiky villain from Super Mario Bros.

FOX

Welcome to the live laser shows, y'all! The production is as ridiculous as ever and the staging just as laughable. To spice up the status quo, Britney Spears said the word "amazing" three billion times. Don't trust those faces she makes. Our girl is having fun!

Meanwhile, Wednesday's two-hour live show was the debut of new season 2 hosts Khloe Kardashian and Mario Lopez. I'm not sure we even need any sort of host for The X Factor, let alone two. Just a crew member to tell people where to stand, via their earpieces, would be juuuuuust fine. Or maybe some sparkly bookends that could threateningly close in on the contestants after each song. But no, instead we have KK and MarLo. They're just sort of nonentities, really! And that's fine with me. Any more of them would be overkill.

Let's move onto the performances, keeping in mind to beware of Simon Cowell's peaceful fangs.

Not to mention….

BRITNEY'S BANGS.

Happy Halloweeeeeeeeeeeeen, suckas! Love you like a sister! I love you, too.

YOUNG ADULTS

"It would be amazing if we could shave your head," Demi Lovato informed Paige Thomas. Done! Now she has zero to very little hair and will just be wearing crazy and hilarious headpieces from now on. That is completely and uttah-ly cool with me. I feel like if you're gonna commit to watching The X Factor, why not hope that it's as over-the-top as possible? And Paige's performance of "What Is Love" was just that. Paige was flanked by many backup dancers wearing these weird bodysuits that suggested "skeletons" but instead of bones it was, like, wheels and gears. Because they're all tools! And she sported an odd porcupine helmet on her head. Her voice sounded weak to me, but maybe I was overwhelmed by all the "glamour."

Silly L.A. Reid claimed that "What Is Love" was never a hit in the U.S. Ummmmm has he never seen the World Happiness Dance episode of My So-Called Life or Will Ferrell's finest film? Sir, please.

NEXT: Aggggggggh! Shiny jeans!

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