Phew. I’ll come right out and say it: the right person won The Voice.
Although Christina Grimmie would have been a perfectly welcome winner, it was Josh Kaufman who emerged victorious, and frankly he deserved it. I have no doubt that Jake Worthington will go on to be mentored by Blake for years to come, and Christina will find similar success by signing with Adam’s record label (as he announced on tonight’s THREE-HOUR finale).
Well, technically, it was only a two-hour finale, because no self-respecting singing competition would dare devote more than five minutes of a possible 120 to actually revealing the results. Thus, we were left with a whole bunch of random…things that happened tonight before the winner was revealed.
Thing #1: That iTunes Glitch
Your comments about the peculiar absence of Josh’s incendiary Adele cover “Set Fire to the Rain” were heeded. Right at the top of the night, Carson acknowledged that an iTunes glitch was to blame, and as such, all iTunes downloads over the 14-hour voting window were removed, which apparently didn’t even affect the outcome (if I understood correctly, which I’m sure I didn’t).
Thing #2: OneRepublic Sings “Love Runs Out”
Is it awkward to have the real artist perform a song that that Josh has already sung? No, not really, because the brilliant Ryan Tedder should be a sex symbol and instead he’s just one of those faceless rock stars who isn’t as famous as he deserves to be despite having the haircut, talent, and ability to pull off leather.
Thing #3: Christina Grimmie Gets a Record Deal
Yes, you heard right. Regardless of Christina’s place in the competition, Adam Levine vowed that he would sign her to his record label after the show. That’s thrilling, to be sure, but doesn’t that just eliminate the whole point of the competition? Or the nature of the grand prize, at least? Back in the Idol days, if a record deal was on the table for a runner-up…things might have been different (I miss you Tamyra Gray). Still, I’m happy for Christina, who—honestly—will probably be the most successful of all three if she lands a nice Tedder hook and a smooth summer song.
Thing #4: Group Hug
Blake and Adam rally the troops for one superstar hug to mark a sweet goodbye for two of the four coaches, because heaven forbid we have more than one woman or non-white guy on the panel at one time. (This also applies to Shark Tank.)
Thing #5: Jake Brings Back The K’s
For Jake’s ‘bring-back’ performance, he elects to resurrect Kat Perkins, Kristen Merlin, Audra McLaughlin, Morgan Wallen, and Ryan Whyte Maloney. (I have to wonder how these bring-backs were chosen, whether it was at random or a type of schoolyard selection method, or perhaps even a Hogwartsian Sorting Stetson.) The gang performs “Summertime” live from the set of Mary-Kate and Ashley’s Holiday In the Sun, and they strike up a nice ensemble rapport that reads like a college production of Grease.
Thing #6: Christina Meets Ed
Mere hours after I suggested that Christina wouldn’t invite Taylor Swift to a sleepover, she’s moved in on Tay’s BFF Ed Sheeran! You can tell the audience likes their tender duet of “All of the Stars” because they’re swaying their arms back and forth above their heads. They don’t ever do that, right? They haven’t done that for every single performance on the show, right?
Thing #7: The Five Rejected Guys (Patrick, Delvin, Morgan, Stevie Jo, Jake)
Wow, remember these fellas? There’s Rowlf and Dreads, and Shaggy and Scrappy-Doo, and Jake Barker! I missed you guys. I kind of forgot about half of you, but those were good times, the ones I do remember. There are five completely different levels of attraction among this bizarre boy band, which I will dub “Some Direction.”
Thing #8: The Lifestyles of Usher Raymond
In this undeniably random segment, Usher offers his slogans: “Evolve or evaporate.” “This is your moment.” “Don’t give them a reason.” “Now or never.” He talks about waffles, candy, and eating raw cabbage. He calls Blake a “hairless Chewbacca.” He says amazeballs. I feel like I learned both so much and absolutely nothing at all.
Thing #9: Someone Named Justin Moore Performs
I had to look up his name.
Thing #10: Josh Brings Back SissyLew
Josh’s ‘bring-back’ involves T.J. Wilkins, Stevie Jo and Sisaundra Lewis for “Am I Wrong,” a song apparently by two guys named Nico and Vinz who must be in the NBC family in some fashion because they’re in the audience for some reason. Sisaundra keeps it cool and, really, we don’t hear much from her this evening. I imagine she’s still a little bitter about not winning, or perhaps she’s on vocal rest until she auditions for America’s Got Talent later this year.
Thing #11: Ed “Sings”
YES! Great song, great song. It’s a month-and-change old but I plan to jam out to this tune over the next few months, as Ed Sheeran’s “Sing” is prominently featured on both my Summer ’14: Party and Summer ’14: Tan playlist, a transcendence not easily achieved. The performance is swell, although someone needs to address Ed Sheeran’s hair at some point before he tries to kidnap Oliver Twist or invoke parlay.
NEXT: Things 12-22, including umbrellas, mountain men and Tim McGraw