The Voice recap: Dothraki Girls and Mystery Machine Boys

Three very one-sided battles make for predictable outcomes, but the momentum (and talent) is finally picking up! Celebrate!
Ep. 12 | Aired Apr 1, 2014

THE STORY OF MY LOCKS: Two maned men, Morgan and Stevie, sing a One Direction song and simultaneously make teen girls everywhere swoon over their decadent Garnier Fructis coifs and sultry, red velvet voices.

NBC

Hello again, friends. You're probably bummed that I, your regular recapper, am back once again instead of the delightful breath of bubbly fresh air that is Jodi Walker (who covered for me in a pinch on last night's The Voice recap and did an a-mah-zing job). Well, I'm back, and there are battles on tonight's episode that are in dire need of critiquing.

I will say, Jodi was absolutely correct when she said last night that despite the logistical nonsense of the second round of battles, this week's match-ups are truly the best of the best, so there's little room to complain about people who totally deserve to be here. Everyone tonight brought it and absolutely shut it down, so we were treated to three pretty stellar battles.

Here's how they went down:

TEAM BLAKE
Biff Gore vs. Sisaundra Lewis 

Readers of my recaps know I’m super into Sisaundra Lewis for so many reasons, the least of which is the earrings and the most of which is that she’s probably the best technical singer in the entire competition. Biff has a fine voice and Blake was noble in stealing him after Usher offed him in favor of TJ Wilkins, but he stands no chance to Sisaundra. Even when she’s reading the song titles, I’m swooning.

They choose “It’s a Man’s, Man’s, Man’s World,” and rehearsal suggests what I’m already thinking: This is a man’s song, but it would be nothing…NOTHIIIING… without Sisaundra. The judgment from Blake and Chris Martin is funny -- they’re worried Sisaundra is “too good,” which is like being afraid your bake sale cookies are too delicious.

The battle begins and we might as well be in an elementary school library in 1997 because there are goosebumps everywhere. Sisaundra hits a few licks (matched, I will concede, almost perfectly by Biff) and blows it out of this world -- a fact corroborated by Adam saying he’s 80% sure Sisaundra’s not from this planet.

Blake picks Sisaundra, because he’s sane.

TEAM SHAKIRA
Ddendyl vs. Deja Hall 

I’m super excited to see Ddendyl again, if only because she’s got a great name that’s kind of like a cross between a dinosaur and a Targaryen. I have fond memories of Ddendyl’s audition, and we didn’t get to see her battle because of those horrible skips earlier in this round. It’s nice to see her again (and to see she’s doing the Rosie the Riveter chic thing and doing it well), and it’s equally nice to see Deja, though I’ll be honest and say I don’t quite remember her battle.

Unfortunately, I guess all the time spent away from Ddendyl made me forget that her voice sort of sounds like Zooey Deschanel playing Chubby Bunny. Deja has a voice that I’d listen to for hours on Spotify, and it’s much more radio-friendly. I think she’ll grow into a fine artist, and Shakira agrees.

Also, for a second I thought Ddendyl had braces.

NEXT: Long hair, don't care

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