Dawn & Hawkes, Austin, TX
Real Names: Miranda Dawn and Chris Hawkes
Origin Story: Met in 2010 at a bar in Austin; he asked her to dance, then they went on tour and now co-habitate
Raised Eyebrow Because: She says they’ll spend the rest of their lives together but I don’t see no ring
They Kind of Look Like: Really trendy Hufflepuffs
Song: “I’ve Just Seen a Face” – The Beatles
They’re pretty fabulous together, and very adorable in an Alex & Sierra (remember The X Factor?) way. Shakira just about flips out when she realizes it’s a duo; she and Adam spin. I don’t know why Blake wouldn’t have turned around—seems like a missed opportunity on his part. Adam pours his heart out, and Shakira kind of sort of pours hers out (again, she brings up her 70 million Facebook friends, which turns out to actually be 83 million because HOW?). Usher and Blake both try to swing Dawn & Hawkes towards Shakira, which sucks for Adam. But the pair still goes with Coach Adam because they’re actually nice people. I will vote for you, Dawn, and I will even vote for you, too, Hawkes.
Adam Says: “That was my favorite performance I’ve ever seen ever on The Voice.”
Leo Gallo, 27, Los Angeles, CA
Sexy Meter: 8.65
Former Member of a Boy Band Called: Youth Asylum
Side Job: Dancer (“It’s very Cirque du Soleil-esque”)
Song: “Blurred Lines” – Robin Thicke et al
Anyone who sings this song at anything but a summer BBQ doesn’t really deserve to make it on The Voice, and Leo isn’t any more memorable than last July’s potato salad.
What Rhymes With Hug Me?: Your day job
Jeremy Briggs, 26, Sacramento, CA
Backstory: Baseball player turned coach turned employee of the California Unemployment Insurance Board of Appeals
Kind Of Looks Like: Aaron Paul at Dave Grohl’s rodeo-themed party
Lead Singer of a Band Called: Relic 45
Song: “Bad Company” – Bad Company
Blake’s quick to press his button, and Shakira joins in as well. Nothing all that interesting happens until he picks Coach Shakira, who then does some traditional Russian dancing for some reason.
Best Brooch: This brooch!
Jake Worthington, 17, La Porte, TX
Seen Before: On season five, in which he got zero chair turns
Confidence: Renewed somewhat
Signature Dance Move: The Jake Shake
Song: “Don’t Close Your Eyes” – Keith Whitley
He’s super good and super calm and collected, with a voice like sweet milk chocolate. Adam turns around pretty quickly with Blake right behind (and then the family really celebrates, particularly with this death-defying hug). Shakira turns, even though she doesn’t seem to care that much, and Usher basically doesn’t even care at this point because nobody can riff. Coach Blake could honestly start reading the ingredients on a Lunchables container and Jake still would have picked him, because country singers are more predictable than Karen Smith’s boobs.
Adorable Jake Quote: “I’m red as a cherry right now!”
Karina Mia, 22, Philadelphia, PA
Went to: College
Genre: “I consider myself more of an indie artist. I can’t do runs and I don’t have a Christina Aguilera voice.”
Song: “Beneath Your Beautiful” – Labrinth feat. Emeli Sande
This was pretty devastating that nobody turned around, because she actually had a nice voice (although her vibrato was kind of like an underwater Aquaman call). Poor Karina—I wanted her to be chosen, but she was Divergent.
Dirtiest Piece of Advice That Isn’t Actually Dirty: “I want you to continue working your instrument.”
Bria Kelly, 17, Smithfield, VA
Opened for: Miranda Lambert
Song: “Steamroller Blues” – James Taylor
With just a Aguileran wail, Blake and Adam are sent spinning, and rightly so because it’s pretty obvious that this chick in the final slot (with her own gee-tar, no less) was going to be amazing. Shakira jumps on board, and Usher gets in as well after a killer lick. All four engage in some delightful banter—Usher says she has the voice, Blake says she’s a stud, Adam literally says “OMG,” and Shakira compliments her leather pants—and Bria chooses Coach Usher.
Shakira Non-Sequitur: “How many times can the Yankees win the world series?”
That's it for the premiere of the blind auditions! Hopefully you'll stick with me for the next
hundred years three months as we embark on this sixth crazy cycle of The Voice!