Fourth on Team Shakira is Patrick Thomson, and frankly I don’t want to devote too much time to Patrick as I’ve already written off the chances that he’d make it past this round. Nothing’s wrong with Patrick, per se—he’s perfectly delightful. His guttural, throaty edge is really interesting and probably the guttural-iest, throatiest, edgiest in the competition, but unless you’re Chris Daughtry, that type of voice can be jarring when it comes from someone who’s 45% Rowlf, 45% Jorge Garcia, and 10% Joaquin Phoenix that time he went off the rails. Patrick also hasn’t shown any sort of major personality trait that would endear him to me. He’s sort of just unthreateningly around, like a male character in a Babysitters Club book.
Patrick’s performance of “Trouble” is the most I’ve ever liked him, but as was the case with Ryan Whyte Maloney last week, it’s the age-old dilemma of too little, too late. There are very few times you can bring your absolute best at the end and earn great redemption for a listless past—in other words, you can only get away with burning the turkey if the pecan pie is amazing. Unfortunately for Patrick, his kick-ass pecan pie in the playoffs can't make up for the bland courses that preceded it, and nothing can save him from being banished from Team Shakira. “I didn’t really understand who you were until now,” says Usher. And gosh, don’t we all agree.
Finally, we arrive at the last performer on Team Shakira: Dani Moz, whom The Editor has teased in promos as being absolutely fantastic. She’s also got the coveted end-of-hour slot, so you know she’ll be swell.
Dani’s been an interesting case this season—she’s managed to impress each week but she’s also flown under the radar in a sense. Maybe because she’s sort of The Voice equivalent of the “Feel-Good Movies” section on Netflix. I’m not sure what my prognosis is for Dani, but I’ve realized that maybe she just needs a signature look, or simply a few more weeks of consistent performances to really cement her place as a contender. One thing I absolutely love in her pre-package is when she says she’s singing for her life tonight, which isn’t something you hear this early in the competition but is sure as hell just as true as it is in the finals. Dani is realistic, and realism goes a long way in reality. (Duh.)
Dani’s performance has all the elements of being amazing, complete with “stripped down” piano arrangement, sustained money note, and quel drame lighting! It’s a great performance and I think I’ll now be rooting for Dani (among others) through the lives. Adam says Dani’s another artist Shakira can’t afford to lose, meaning that we’ve now got three basic locks for Shakira, and there’s no Alohomora-ing her way out of these babies.
It’s ELIMINATION TIME and we’re weirdly lined up from shortest (Kristen) to tallest (Dani). Shakira starts her selection with Tess and Kristen, eliminating all suspense from the final pick. During last chance pleas, Deja blows it (“I’m really excited to see what the future holds”) and Patrick blows it (“You get to the point where you can’t learn anymore”) but Dani nails it (“The important thing for me was to let my soul be seen”). Just like with Jake Worthington, Dani gives the best plea even though she’s already the obvious choice to move on.
And with that, we head over to Team Adam!
NEXT: The Assassination of Maroon 5 by the Coward Jake Barker