TEAM BLAKE: HOLLY TUCKER VS. MICHELLE RAITZIM
The song: "Blown Away" by Carrie Underwood
The story: Newly anointed mentor Sheryl Crow claims that country singer Holly "could probably sing a phone book and make it sound gorgeous." But Blake says she's a little too sweet. "Holly, you could get a little bit madder!" he tells her. "Okay, fine!" Holly shouts back. "You asked for it!" If Blake wakes up tomorrow with his trailer windows smashed, we'll know who to blame.
The battle: Both of these ladies are trying SO HARD. Holly's doing hand gestures to illustrate the storm clouds gathering in her eyes. Michelle is breaking down the words "blown away" into a billion trillion tinier notes. Everyone's emoting with such force, it looks like they're literally trying to blow a house down.
The feedback: "It was fierce," Shakira raves. "You really brought it. And I'm sure you're making your coach really proud." "Proud is not the word," Blake sighs. "Sick is the word." Blame it on all that sarsaparilla?
The verdict: "Can I just keep 'em both?" Blake asks. Exasperated, Carson replies, "No that's not an option." Blake: "Well screw you!" Carson: "Blake, I know it's not fun for you, but who is the winner of this battle?" Things continue like this for approximately ten thousand minutes until Blake finally crowns Holly the winner. Why? Because whenever it's a tie, Blake sticks with the folks in cowboy boots. Country strong!
TEAM USHER: JESS KELLNER VS. TAYLOR BECKHAM
The song: "You're No Good" by Amy Winehouse
The story: Why does everything Usher says sound like a come-on? "Ready to get back in the saddle?" he coos to these ladies, joining his mentor, Pharrell Williams. "I am going to stand over here and I want you to energetically attract me towards you." The two young women sing like crazy.. but Usher's not impressed. "I put my face right there for you," he tells Taylor. "There's no reason why you couldn't just"—he literally reaches out and cups her chin in his hands—"make it personal. You can do that!" Careful, Taylor. Next thing you know, the only thing that's right there will be his pants.
The battle: Wearing a little rocker-girl nose ring, Jess looks and sounds very confident, growling like a champ. Former gymnast Taylor is trying her hardest to show some personality, even clapping her hands above her head, but she's clearly nervous. Both of them sound a little too pretty. This is an Amy Winehouse song, ladies. Give it some grit! Make it french-inhale some cigarettes or something.
The feedback: "Taylor has this tortured thing about her when she's singing, but I enjoyed Jess more," says Blake. "I like to see somebody who's having a ball out there."
The verdict: Usher picks Jess—but then Blake steals Taylor. Wait. What? "I figured [Usher] would go with who I picked, so that I could get her," Blake claims. Either he's lying, or that is some Machiavellian scheming. Either way, nicely done.
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