And finally, the event we’ve all been waiting for. Phaedra is going to a. Kill Apollo, b. Finally just straight up fall asleep during a scene, c. Learn the truth behind what happened at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel (hint: all of these things would have been a win; none of them happen). [Note: Can’t you just imagine the Beverly Wilshire being like, “We’re actually good on publicity right now. If you could stop associating us with Apollo-Kenya sex, that would be great. xoxox - The Beverly Wilshire”]
Apollo starts off dinner by complaining about his wife spending more time on their children and her education than him for a while and then, *mail as transition alert* brings out a subpoena that came for Phaedra that day. It’s for the trial between Kenya and Conya the Landlord, which we saw resolved three episodes ago, so I guess Bravo just doesn’t give a sh-- about continuity at this point. Good on ‘em.
Phaedra brings up Textgate 2013 and Apollo reiterates that he didn’t do anything wrong because he didn’t initiate the texts with Kenya. Putting aside that “who started it” kind of isn’t the point, Kenya and Apollo are telling two different stories. When pushed on the specifics of the texting, Apollo utters the most telling line yet: “I don’t recall.” At least those two stories line up.
Phaedra tells Apollo to not text her friends and not to associate with Kenya anymore. Apollo whines that he is “a grown man” and for some reason tries to reason that he should be able to talk to Kenya in public. WHY? Why would you want to? They blew up at each other in last year’s reunion and she accused you of giving your wife STDs that you contracted in prison. Why, Apollo???
Phaedra is on the same page, telling him, “It’s about her offering to suck your ding-a-ling.” How can anyone even argue with Phaedra? She constantly speaks in the way that people do when they’re talking about taking their dogs on a W-A-L-K, so they don’t start freaking out. Apollo responds, "If I wanted to sleep with Kenya, I could have slept with Kenya. But I didn’t.” So reassuring.
Phaedra drawls, “I might have to kill him with this damn steak knife,” and I wish I could somehow make it a video ringtone. Phaedra finally stops listening to Apollo and just starts creepy-closed-mouth smiling at him until the check comes, which is how I will be ending all arguments for the rest of my life.