The Bachelorette season premiere recap: Slumber Party

Desiree's first night as Bachelorette proceeds at a rather sleepy, drama-free pace -- until one suitor's Fantasy Suite fixation gets him in trouble
Ep. 01 | Aired May 27, 2013

SMILE, WHAT'S THE USE OF CRYING? Desiree grins and bears it through a long night.

ABC

Clink clink clink! Harrison plays the evening-ending fanfare with his Butter Knife of Bad News and whisks Desiree away to prepare for the rose ceremony. So who will join Ben, Zak, Micahel G., Bryden, Nick M., and Drew in the "winners" circle? Brandon, Zack K., Will, Brooks, Juan Pablo, Brad, Kasey, James, Robert, Brian, Dan, Chris, and Mikey make the cut -- and while I seriously couldn't pick half of those guys out of a line-up, I'm not that surprised Des gave the boot to Diogo (suit of armor), Larry the doomed dipper, Nick R. the tiny tailor/magician, Micah with the mismatched suit, and Mike R. the accent-less dentist. Godspeed, "gentlemen."

And with that, we're off! Based on the super-tease, we're in for a lot of Ben, boat trips, and bad language from James (who is kidding himself if he thinks they'd ever crown a Bachelor with such aggressive eyebrows). Thank God – this premiere was severely lacking in drama, so I'm glad to know lots of dysfunction awaits us. What about you, rose lovers -- did you enjoy the first step of Desiree's "journey"? Do you miss her bangs as much as I do? Will Kasey ever stop making "hashtag" jokes? Post your thoughts below! And be sure to check out Chris Harrison's exclusive blog over on PopWatch before you go. If you need me, I'll be on the couch, eating Venezuelan bon-bons. Those things are awesome.

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