The Bachelorette recap: Island of Misfit Boys

Madeira is host to at least two premature proclamations of love as the final five guys jostle to get a hometown date with Desiree
Ep. 07 | Aired Jul 8, 2013

THE LOTION OF THE OCEAN Chris gets handsy with Desiree's shoulder blades during their one-on-one date.


So I guess we should all pack up and head home, folks. Nothing more to see here -- Desiree's at the finish line! What's that, Des? It's not over? You can "picture a life with Chris"? "Wow," replies Harrison. "That's complicated." That's for sure, buddy. Let's remove one piece from this emotional Jenga tower and get closer to a complete collapse in judgment. Des, when you're ready... She hands roses to Brooks, Chris, and Zak, leaving Michael and his uncomfortably wide eyes to feel the sting of rejection. On the Pity Bench, Des assures him that he's a great guy but the other relationships are "growing differently." Even though Michael says "it feels like my heart just exploded in my chest," he handles it graciously, telling the Bachelorette that he has "nothing but the most respect" for her and wishing her well. And you've gotta love a guy who calls his mom from the Reject SUV. I have a feeling Mikey will do just fine with the "ladies" once he's back home in Florida.

Oh man, hometown dates can't get here fast enough. Between Chris' dad getting handsy with Des and the Bachelorette's sneering, tattooed brother bringing the pain in his much-anticipated return, it's looking like it'll be a delightfully uncomfortable episode. As for this week, rose lovers, were you at all surprised to see Michael go? Does anyone have a chance against Brooks? And is it me or is Zak's face getting puffier? That jet lag can be a killer, I guess. Post your thoughts below, and be sure to check out Chris Harrison's behind-the-scenes blog over on PopWatch. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go make this my desktop wallpaper.

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