The Bachelorette recap: Das Booted

Germany proves it's not the perfect place to fall in love when one guy dumps Desiree, and later the Bachelorette decides to say Auf Wiedersehen to a former favorite
Ep. 05 | Aired Jun 24, 2013

STEAMING HOT CUP OF AWKWARD Des soaks in the tension between Michael and Ben on the two-on-one date

ABC

And this time, after apologizing for being such an aggro jerk, Michael finally makes his case against Ben calmly, and with minimal crazy eyes. "We don't really hear much about his son at all. We hear about his bar business. We hear a lot about a former Bachelorette participant who was able to turn one bar into five bars, and how he benefited from publicity from being on the show," explains Michael. "I would awful if I knew these things and didn't tell you." So who will be taking the Reject Limo back to America? The verdict is -- audible gasp -- Ben! And he is not happy about it. "I'd love to walk you out," begins Des, but the spurned suitor gives her a curt, "I'm fine," and then lurches for the door. He wanders around cursing and muttering to himself until the Bachelorette finds him outside, gives him a hug, and sends him on his way.

"Let's go!" Ben growls at the producer in the Reject Limo. "You want me to sit here and look unhappy? I'm not!" (Neither are the guys back at the Hotel Schadenfreude, who hoot and holler with delight when the Stealth Concierge arrives to take Ben's suitcase.) Ben then proceeds to moult his nice-guy skin like the snake that he is, telling Team Bachelorette that they "missed out" on having him as Bachelor, waving "hi" to Hollywood (unless you're open to gay porn, you should probably keep dreaming, buddy), directing the limo to take him somewhere to get drunk, and then inquiring how soon he can be seen in public with another woman. "I don't want to wait!" Yeah, pal, maybe you and Pavelka can double date.

Anyhoo, I hope you haven't had your fill of drama yet, rose lovers, because Des and her bejeweled shoulder strap are here, and shiz is about to go down. First off, Harrison slut shames the Bachelorette into revealing who the best kisser is. (Dude, have you ever asked the Bachelor that question? And how am I just realizing now that this show is sexist?) Then in an even more shocking development, Des foils Drew's plan to tell her what a phony asshat James is by declaring that she doesn't need a cocktail party tonight. Nooooo! As the rose ceremony begins and Des tells the guys, "I really think I can trust every one of you," Drew looks like he's physically trying to suppress a scream. But phew, he gets a rose -- along with Zak, Kasey, Juan Pablo, and (dun-dun-DUN) James. Sorry Mikey, but it's time to go home to Chicago and gas up the boat. Your buddy will be along in awhile.

Talk about delayed gratification, rose lovers. It looks like Team Bachelorette is going to make us wait another week for the showdown between Malibu Ken and The Thing. So until then, let me know what you thought of tonight's episode. Did Ben give the best Reject Limo interview in franchise history? Is Mad Dog Michael on borrowed time? And would any of you want to see Bryden as the Bachelor? Post your thoughts now! Be sure to check out Chris Harrison's blog over on PopWatch when you're done. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to dock my hot tug.

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