The Bachelorette recap: When Pigs Fly

Des sends a "lying, cheating, deceitful" suitor packing, but the rest of the guys still think Ben is the real villain
Ep. 03 | Aired Jun 10, 2013

HELL HATH NO FURY Stephanie tells her "lying, cheating, deceitful pig" ex-boyfriend Brian that they are never, ever getting back together.

Meanwhile, on Sunset Boulevard, Kasey and Desiree are ready for their bandaloop close-up as they dangle from the side of a hotel. Miraculously, they get all the way through the aerial date without either one of them making a "love is a leap of faith" comment. It seems mother nature is not Team Kasey, though: That night, as the duo try to share an intimate drink, they are nearly blown off of the roof by chilly gusts of wind. Naturally, they decide the best plan is to strip down and jump in the pool, which was, to use Des' term, "freeeeeezing." The towel Kasey helpfully wraps around her head does little to keep the Bachelorette from shivering, so he goes in for a kiss instead. And she does NOT love it. "This is just a disastrous date," she sighs. But because Des knows it's not Kasey's fault that Brian ruined her mood and the wind was angry enough to topple potted plants, Kasey gets the rose.

The second group date of the week begins with James, Juan Pablo, Bryden, and Zak W. boarding a stagecoach outside of Casa Bachelorette and winding up at Rose 'N' Thorn ranch. Des awaits them on a balcony, dressed kind of like that doll lamp I used to have when I was 9. Suddenly, a no-good varmint emerges from the door behind her and starts mock-manhandling her -- until she kicks him over the balcony. And that's when we learn the theme of today's product placement date: cowboy lessons from Tom Harper and the stunt team behind Disney's new movie The Lone Ranger.

After a series of tutorials in lassoing, quick-draw pistol work, and stage fighting, Tom brings in the horses for one final challenge: Damsel in distress scenarios! One by one, the guys have to "rescue" Desiree from ne'er-do-well black hats. And if the way Desiree's eyes widen as she watches her suitors take down bad guys is any indication, she LOVES it. Juan Pablo performs the majority of his scene in Spanish, which Des finds so enticing that she awards him the "Lone Ranger" badge and the extra alone time that goes with it. Unfortunately, that alone time is in a barn, where they're required to watch an early screening of (what else?) The Lone Ranger. Not surprisingly, they spend a lot of time making out instead.

The Bachelorette's lust is not sated, however, so that night at the post-cowboy cocktails, she lures Bryden into a tree and encourages him to suck her face. After all, says Des, Brydan "can't make the moves -- he just doesn't know when to make them. So I do kind of lead a little bit, and then once I get close, then he's, like, on it." As is Zak W., charming Desiree with his self-deprecating humor. "Did you realize that I, uh, actually made an attempt to kiss you today?" he asks. "You got this guy, like, coming in like [makes goofy face] Wurrrrrr..." Des laughs so hard she practically cries -- and even though she's probably had one too many jelly jars of moonshine, I don't think it's just the booze making her giggle.

Things take a more serious turn with James, who admits to Des that he's struggling with being away from his father, who has pancreatitis. "I just want to know from you, uh, do you think that I might be somebody that you can see yourself with?" As an answer, she gives him the date rose.

NEXT: "Once again, someone left me"

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