The Bachelorette recap: When Pigs Fly

Des sends a "lying, cheating, deceitful" suitor packing, but the rest of the guys still think Ben is the real villain
Ep. 03 | Aired Jun 10, 2013

HELL HATH NO FURY Stephanie tells her "lying, cheating, deceitful pig" ex-boyfriend Brian that they are never, ever getting back together.

The poolside portion of the evening begins with a one-on-one between Desiree and the previously-MIA Brad (a.k.a. DJ Mak), who is eager to tell the Bachelorette about the things in his past that have "haunted" him. And no, it's not that he has a three-year-old son -- it's that he named the poor kid "Maddex." Wait, sorry -- maybe Brad means he's haunted by the fact that three and half years ago Maddex's mom tried to steal his car and yet the cops arrested him for domestic violence. (Yeah, that doesn't sound fishy at all.) Chris, who spends much of the evening nervously chewing his nails, ultimately tries to make a big impression by leading Desiree up to the roof for a romantic helipad chat. "After my time with Des, my feelings have definitely changed," says Chris. "I'm feeling a lot more confident... I think I might get the rose."

Don't count your boutonnieres before they're pinned, sir, because a town car just pulled up -- and inside, a bruised and broken Brooks, ready to slide in at the last moment and steal the sympathy vote. Poor Chris looks crestfallen. "Damn that Brooks," he tells Team Bachelorette, only half-joking. "He's so good. So charming." Indeed, even though he's still wearing his ridiculous shorty-shorts and sweatband, Brooks is still able to make Des swoon, and soon they're smooching under a purple blanket. But in a surprise move, Des does not award Brooks the rose for his injury -- instead, it goes to Chris, who can't believe his luck. Not only is he safe for another week, he gets to steal Des away for some double-secret alone time and a private concert by this lady. Hooray for non-muscular nice guys!

The next morning, Des reflects on her "journey" while putting her thoughts down in what appears to be that "antique" journal Zak W. gave her last week. "I love this entire group of guys, and I'm hopeful my future husband is here," she muses. But her reverie is broken by a phone call from Chris "Don't Shoot the Messenger" Harrison. "I have some bizarre news about one of your guys," he tells Des -- who, by the way, is wearing flesh-toned pants that are so tight, from some angles she looks naked from the waist down.

Anyhoo, whatever information Chris has, it's enough to send Des speeding down the hill to Casa Bachelorette for a showdown with the offending d-bag. Sorry, Kasey, but your "love defies gravity" one-on-one date is going to have to wait, because Desiree has a few questions for Brian first. "So, is there anything that I don't know, that you need to tell me?" asks the Bachelorette, after taking Brian and his hot pink t-shirt outside for a private talk. "Like, I just want to know if our conversations and what we've talked about are sincere." Obviously the answer is no -- by this point both the previews and Desiree herself have told us that Brian has a girlfriend back home -- but Team Bachelorette knows the To Catch a Cheater "gotcha" moment is going to be so much more satisfying if it comes after we watch Brian lie to Desiree's face. Which, of course, he does: "I feel something very strongly for you," he says. "I think my past relationship, while it was, you know, a short time ago, was one of those ones... that was really over a long time ago."

NEXT: Brian gets busted

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