When Nick gets back to the hotel, the remaining guys greet him with a tepid "What's up, man?" and then a full 46 seconds of hate silence. Once they do start confronting him—for trying to get in their heads, for preying on the more insecure guys in the herd—Nick remains infuriatingly calm. Yes, he watched every episode of Desiree's season—but only so he could find out "what the hell I was getting myself into," not because he was plotting his Final Two/Becoming the Next Bachelor "strategy." Of course Chris isn't buying it, so he peppers him with insult bullets: Nick is a "gamer" who "interrupts" too much and is not there for the "Right ReasonsTM." Nick shrugs, sulks, tells the guys the accusations "bug" him. Then he stares into Team Bachelorette's camera with his dark, hooded eyes and proclaims, "I'm pretty confident I'm going to end up with Andi." Shudder.
The cocktail party is understandably tense and muted. "I think it's between you, me, and Brian," Dylan tells Chris, as they sit nervously in the luxurious sitting room, waiting for their one-on-one time. Chris admits to Andi that his home state of Iowa "will always be a big part of my life"—translation, If I win, you're moving to Middle America, toots—and then tries to soften the blow by telling the Bachelorette that he's "falling in love" with her. Dylan is a little less eloquent—getting a hometown date, he says, means Andi "can legit see that I can propose to you in three weeks"—and poor is Brian barely a few words in before Nick crashes his one-on-one time. (Somehow, Brian contains his rage, dismissing his rival with an icy, "Nicholas.")
Rage Farmer to the rescue! Chris, realizing that you never get a second chance to make a last impression, pulls Andi out to the driveway for a pre-rose ceremony smooch. And she LOVES it: "I'm like, 'You go, farmer.'"
In the end, Josh, Marcus, and Chris receive the coveted hometown buds, meaning Dylan and Brian will be going home alone. Oh Dylan, if only you had washed your hands (and your hair). And Brian, I think I'll miss you and your dead eyes most of all. Next time a woman takes you to France to cook, don't snap at her about mashed potatoes, okay? (And God only knows what would have happened if she learned about your weird pickle phobia.)
Well, rose lovers, what say you? Did Andi make the right choice? Will she ever see Nick for the d-bag that he is? And the most important question of all: big or small? Please reveal all in the comments below! And be sure to check out Chris Harrison's exclusive blog over on PopWatch. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to crack open a jar of Vlasic.