The Bachelorette recap: Rose Rage

Nick's overconfidence and snotty demeanor continue to drive all the guys crazy, but all Andi cares about is how fun he is to smooch.
Ep. 07 | Aired Jun 30, 2014

Nick pulls a Clare and sneaks away from the guys to see Andi in her hotel room.

Over baguettes, Andi presses Josh over about how comfortable he is being vulnerable. "This is very tough," he mumbles between bites. "You're what I'm here for, but it's tough at the same time." Survey says: Not good enough! "I have two guys, Nick and Marcus, who are ready to get married, and I don't feel like Josh is at that point yet," laments Andi. If he doesn't pony up some emotional currency soon—specifically he needs to say words that include "falling," "love," and "you"—or else it'll be ixnay on the ometown-hey for Josh. Not that the Bachelorette is going to leave this to chance; she plans to lead Josh right up to the edge of the water and then shove his head under. "What kind of questions will [your family] ask you?" she inquires, and when he (naturally) includes "How I feel about you" in his answer, she pounces: "What are you gonna tell 'em?" Thankfully, Josh gives the correct answer: "I'm gonna tell them the truth... that I am falling in love with you." Excellent work, counselor! Now go make out with him in a backlit archway—but do it fast because the last private concert of the season is already in session.

Group date! Who will get what Andi calls "the most important rose of the entire season"? Certainly Nick thinks it's "his to lose": "I'm not even a little intimidated by my competition," he sniffs. The Bachelorette meets them at the ruins of a castle in the countryside—"So this was, like, all enclosed at one point in time?" marvels Dylan, who makes it abundantly clear he is not familiar with the concept of ruins. "The ruins stood the test of time," he tells Team Bachelorette. "And now hopefully Andi and I's relationship will stand the test of time." Oh Dylan... if they stood the test of time, they wouldn't be ruins. Sigh.

Andi puts the guys right to work, making them transport her via rail bike to the Maredsous Monastery, the proprietors of which I hope got a hefty location fee for allowing this godless reality TV program to film on their grounds. Anyhow, as soon as they get there, Andi takes Chris outside of the monastery walls to a pottery studio for some romantic Ghost action (the Maredsous' "no kissing" rule doesn't apply here). When the guys learn that whoever gets the date rose—which has been mocking them from its dark metal plate all day—will get a "mini one-on-one" with Andi and everyone else will be sent home, they all go from Cloud Nine to Nervous Nancy. (Thanks for that phrase, Chris.) All except Nick, of course, who tells his fellow competitors that he's "confident" he'll make it to hometowns. With all of the compelling villains this show has cast—your Bentleys, your Weses, hell, even your Kalons—it's pretty disappointing that the best Team Bachelorette can do this season is a persnickety, condescending dude in a man-scarf.

Nick gets the rose. Cue the Reject Van f-bombs! (And the fireworks.)

NEXT: "I'm like, 'You go, farmer.'"

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