Cody tries his best to pen an inspiring response to "Jason," but it basically boils down to "Be yourself and it'll all work out." (Yeah, like that ever works.) Andi politely ooohs and ahhhs over Cody's letter, but her smile is too reserved to mean anything but Friend Zone. Not that Cody notices: "To realize how much she realizes how much I would appreciate this date, it just made me feel good." Wait—what? Oh, never mind.
What in the holy hell is Andi wearing to dinner? For a split second I thought she had on white short-shorts over flesh-colored lycra leggings. And for God's sake, Cody, a deep-V-neck T-shirt is not appropriate dinner attire, even if your chest is freshly waxed. I'm just going to keep focusing on these atrocious outfits because watching Cody read his love letter to Andi, who clearly isn't feeling him, is just way too uncomfortable. The poor guy's romance radar is so busted; he keeps professing his feelings for her—and his weird desire to "roll around" with her—even after she starts crying tears of I've-gotta-dump-this-guy misery. Eventually she interrupts and breaks the bad news: "I can't take you to next week, it's not fair." Sorry, Cody. But don't worry—your luggage will be waiting for you at the airport.
Cocktail party time! In a dick move, Nick—who already has a rose—pulls Andi away first, much to the disgust of the rest of the guys. But Andi? She LOVES it. "He missed me, he wanted it—come get it," she giggles. "We barely made it around the corner before he just kissed me. Mmmm! That is a man." Dylan, he of the queasy-stomach and the poor hygiene, arrives to commandeer the Bachelorette, and from there it's off to the one-upmanship races: Marcus drops the l-bomb; JJ goes for the immediate make-out; Brian reads a poem called something like "I hate that I'm a big p---y"; and Josh offers what can best be described as an angry apology about the lie-detector date.
Excellent work, all of you! No wonder Andi tells Harrison that her week in Venice was only "okay." (Question: What was that loud bang after Harrison and Andi's chat? Did a door slam or did some poor crew member reach a breaking point and collapse?) In the end, Andi pins roses on Dylan the Dirty, Brian, Marcus, and (of course) Josh, leaving the stubbly pantsapreneur heartbroken. We've reached the point in the season where the dumpees must endure a quick chat on the Shame Bench before they can leave, and during JJ's talk with the Bachelorette she tells him they're just not "on the same page" in the Book of Like. Later, pretty boy! Maybe if you're lucky you'll get to humiliate yourself some more on Bachelor in Paradise... but I doubt it.
Mmmm... Brussels, home of delicious sprouts. Now I'm hungry. But before I go marinate some crunchy goodness in balsamic, I want to hear what you thought of tonight's "journey." Is Chris the farmer endearingly macho or is he manifesting some serious rage issues? Is Andi ever going to realize that Josh is definitely manifesting some serious rage (and jealousy) issues? And has anyone in the history of anywhere not actually farted in public? It's okay, the comments section is a safe space. Be sure to check out Chris Harrison's exclusive blog over on PopWatch, too. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to book a "Bachelorette Romance" package at the Abano Grand.