Marcus, on the other hand, takes a more serious approach, telling Andi that he once considered leaving the show because he wasn't sure if the experience was "right" for him. But then, lucky for her, he decided to stay because he doesn't want to "live with regrets." Andi totally falls for it. Props to you Marcus—you somehow found a way to neg the Bachelorette and yet still come across as sensitive! Somewhere, Mystery and his fluffy hat are very proud.
When Josh finally gets his alone time with Andi, he protests a little too much about the polygraph shenanigans—"I feel like a relationship is built on trust," he pouts—which of course leads the Bachelorette to believe that he has something to hide. "I wouldn't be here if I didn't feel like our relationship was going in the right direction," Josh tells Andi, who snaps back, "You're right—you wouldn't be here!" So let's review:
Repeatedly insisting that you're not a man-whore like other "pro" athletes x (Bitching when you're asked to tell the truth)2 ÷ totally distracting scarf = Way to fulfill your own prophecy, dude!
If only Josh could be more like Chris—a.k.a., a man who couldn't lie his way out of a wet paper bag. Seriously, the guy almost pulled a muscle trying to act nonchalant earlier in the evening when Josh and JJ were speculating about the identity of the secret admirer. And even though Andi ripped up the lie-detector test results, Chris feels the need to confess: "I haven't been fully honest with you. And, uh, I was afraid that you were going to have to find out about that via [pause] the, the lie detector test. And um… [even longer pause]" Andi bursts out laughing. "Do want me to help you? You're the secret admirer!" Of course she LOVES it, and Chris gets the date rose.
The Bachelorette walks away, but the camera crew hangs around to eavesdrop on the guys' party post-mortem. And oddly enough it's JJ, not Josh, who wins the night's Sore Loser award after Brian offers a simple pleasantry—"Good for you, Chris"—to his rival. "I am, like, getting a little sick of everybody, like, congratulating everybody else on getting roses," he gripes. "We shouldn't be happy to see somebody else get a rose." Oh quit your whining, pants boy. No one wants to hear it—especially Chris. "Then don't celebrate!" he barks at JJ. "Sit there and be sour grapes. I could give a f--- less, buddy... Your f---ing true colors will shine throughout this whole process, and people will see that." WHOA! Who knew Chris the farmer had the heart of a poet and the temper of a New Jersey nightclub bouncer? Perhaps I should be concerned that I now find him 4,000 times sexier than I did just a few minutes ago... but nah, I'm just gonna go with it.
One more date to go, rose lovers. I'll be honest with you, I'm a little worried for Cody. After all this build up about how long he had to wait for a one-on-one date, it seems like there's only one logical narrative conclusion: heartbreak and a ride home in the Reject Gondola. In a cruel twist, Andi takes Cody to the Club di Giuliette, an organization that answers letters from lovelorn folks the world over who are seeking advice from Shakespeare's fictional heroine. Seriously, Team Bachelorette? You're going to give the personal trainer the date that involves writing? That's a low blow.
NEXT: The deep V-neck tee returns!