The Bachelorette recap: French Dissing

The guys enjoy the beautiful city of Marseille by calling each other racist and/or arrogant.
Ep. 05 | Aired Jun 16, 2014

WHAT'S MIME IS YOURS: Andi and JJ dance in awkward silence, just like a real married couple.

All Josh has to say is more of the "don't hate me because I'm a beautiful athlete" same, though he does throw in a sympathy-generating story about how an old girlfriend once kissed another guy. And she LOVES it. "For the first time I feel like... everything I thought is kind of working and happening," she sighs happily. He gets the rose, and a private concert from Ben Fields and his hipster mustache.

Group date! When Le Accent Table of Doom arrived with the date card, the invitees -- Marcus, Dylan, Chris, Cody, JJ, Marquel, Nick, Patrick, Andrew -- were confused because the card itself was blank except for a coy "♥ Andi." But no, the date does not involve sitting in awkward silence at dinner like a normal married couple -- instead, Andi takes her suitors to this place to learn the fine art of pantomime. Naturally, the guys are less than thrilled. "There are no mimes in Iowa," huffs Chris. Adds Dylan, "I know absolutely nothing about miming besides, uh, they use a lot of their, like, hands and do activities." (All I know is that if no one makes a "glass case of emotion" joke on this date I'm going to be very disappointed.)

After some truly ineffective practice, it's time to dress the guys up in their best Marcel Marceau duds and send them out into the square for a little public humiliation. The locals are mystified and nonplussed -- most of them look like they just smelled something horrible -- and Marquel even makes a baby cry. "Americans should never come to France and mime -- ever," declares Marcus wisely.

Eventually Andi mimes the sign for "let's go get drunk," but the evening portion of the date has barely begun before JJ spirits the Bachelorette away for a private ride on the Vieux Port ferris wheel. "JJ doesn't waste any time," grumbles Marcus. (Hey, don't hate the playa, guys -- hate the game!) To pass the time while Andi and the Pantsapreneur make out on the ride, Cody and Patrick decide to gang up on Nick: Cody accuses him of thinking he's a "front-runner," and then Patrick accuses him of being "smug." The fight continues even after the Bachelorette returns, as Cody starts hulking out about Nick and his condescending ways. "Don't open your mouth!" the bulky personal trainer barks after Nick offers a lame apology for saying Cody was "thankful" to be there.

Because Andi is not in a coma, she senses the tension in the air and begins pressing Chris for some scoop on the dramz during their one-on-one time. The farmer reluctantly (but quickly) rats Nick out, mumbling something about how he didn't "handle" things well the night Eric left. Cody, meanwhile, immediately tells Andi how "thankful" he is to be here -- and how totally against Bro Code it was for Nick to make fun of him for being thankful. The Bachelorette, who was already annoyed at Nick for his sulky attitude during the mime outing, has had enough. "You're seem salty on group dates," she complains to Nick. "Those are the only few minutes I get to spend with you during the day." He looks sheepish and sighs, "I know. I feel like we talk about that a lot. It's probably my fault." You think, Captain Crankypants?

NEXT: "Are you a cheese guy?"

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