The Bachelorette recap: Don't Go Away Mad

The saddest season of The Bachelorette... EVER continues as Andi learns of Dylan's agonizing past and then has an angry farewell fight with Eric.
Ep. 04 | Aired Jun 2, 2014

EVERY ROSEBUD HAS ITS THORN: Andi and Eric in happier times on the group date.

Oh, thank the Lord for Brian! He grabs Andi next for a little one-on-one time on the basketball court for some flirting on the hardwood. When he sinks the shot from half-court, you can almost see Andi ovulate -- but Brian's too dense to notice how she keeps maneuvering her body to put their faces in prime kissing range. "I am so bad at reading signs!" he tells us later, stating the painfully obvious. "I froze up, I guess." But Andi's still all hot and bothered, so she tracks down Nick and pulls him into a make out session on a nearby couch. Still, Brian gets the rose. You know the old saying, Nick: Why buy the cow when you can get the milk behind a pillar in a casino hotel?

The final one-on-one date of the week goes to Marcus, and man, is it way overdue. I mean, I thought we were going to have to wait four whole weeks before Andi forced someone to confront their fears of heights/commitment and take a Leap of FaithTM off a building/into the final frontier of love. So harness up, buddy, and strap that helmet cam onto your head, because come hell, high water, or dangerously strong winds, you two are going to rappel down this building if Mike Fleiss has to climb up 30 flights of stairs and push you off the roof himself. "Any last words?" Marcus asks Andi, who replies with a grim, "F---."

You know what follows: A lot of terrified yelps and "Oh my gods" from Andi, and plenty of stern "Don't look down, look at me" and "Trust the ropes" from Marcus. "I'm not gonna freak out," he explains. "I need to be the man in this relationship and hide my fear." (Be a Man and Hide Your Fear -- if that isn't a million-dollar t-shirt slogan then I'm just a dumb woman who doesn't understand business.) I've gotta hand it to him, though -- his attempts to distract Andi by asking her about her mom (who, we soon learn, plays golf and mahjong and is nicer than her own daughter) seems to work, and soon the Bachelorette is comfortable enough to smooch Marcus while dangling in midair. Fortunately they do it before they lower themselves past the guys, who've figured out what Andi and Marcus are doing on their date and taunt them from the other side of the glass. ("There's no crying in rappelling!" scoffs Brian at Marcus and his watery eyes.)

The "we're still alive!" celebratory dinner takes place at a homey little restaurant at the Griswold Inn which, unfortunately, does not appear to be owned by the family from National Lampoon's Vacation. But Marcus can't enjoy himself until he tosses a napkin over the date rose. You see, the guy hasn't had a case of the feels since his ex-girlfriend dumped him "out of the blue" three years ago -- but now he can't stop hemorrhaging romantic emotions. Rose, John Pardi, and a premature declaration: "I am falling in love with you," Marcus yells into Andi's ear over the twang of John Pardi's guitar. "It's the scariest thing in my life right now."

NEXT: "I came on this to meet a person, not a TV actress"

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