The Bachelorette recap: Make Love, Not Music

Andi and the guys "perform" with Boyz II Men on an aggressively atonal group date, and JJ gets just plain aggressive with Andrew.
Ep. 03 | Aired Jun 1, 2014

BAD BOYZ: Andi and her group-date suitors gleefully slaughter "I'll Make Love to You"

Surprise, surprise, it turns out Andi and the guys will be performing "I'll Make Love to You" in front of a live (but God willing not paying) audience. Bradley the opera singer is psyched, but he's not nearly as excited as Marcus. "This is the band we grew up with!" he gushes. "It's an adrelenan rush." (Adrelenan? Is that a drug the kids are doing these days?) Once they're up on stage, the guys gamely belt out the song, smiling as the crowd laughs and films the entire atonal ordeal on their cameras on cell phones. For the most part, though, the guys know they're terrible -- I think my singing may have taken a rose away from me!" admits Josh -- which is oddly endearing.

Speaking of oddly endearing: Andi, why have you kept Cody around so long? I mean, that thing he does with his hair is kind of impressive, but still... "Cody is a lot of fun. He's always cracking jokes," the Bachelorette explains later that night, before her cocktail-party chat with the personal trainer. "We have a very similar sense of humor." To prove it, she decides to punk Cody during their one-on-one time by confronting him with made-up rumors. "There are a few guys that have said you have a girlfriend," Andi tells him. The poor guy to look even more confused than usual, until the Bachelorette belts out her punchline: "...And that she's a stripper!" Cody's red-faced relief is arguably adorable, as is his smitten-kitten confessional later. "When she pulled that little prank on me, that was cool because it just shows that she was thinking about me," he says, beaming. "She put a little time into it." People, help me out here: Am I seriously rooting for Cody now?

The rest of the night passes without incident, with the exception of this exchange:

Marquel: "Favorite color?"

Andi: "Is black a color?"

Marquel: [smiling slyly] "Duly noted."

Sorry, Marquel -- black may be the Bachelorette's favorite color, but in this case you should always bet on white. The white baseball player, that is. In fact, Andi is so into Josh that they're already having cute little lovers' squabbles over his tendency to do the white man's overbite. "I hate when you do that face!" Andi chides him between smooches. But secretly she must LOVE it, because Josh gets the rose.

Okay, pants man, you think you can out-stud Josh? It's one-on-one date time with JJ the "pantsapreneur." And perhaps because JJ's got the weirdest "job" description of all the guys, Andi's saved the weirdest date for him as well: A fun-filled afternoon wearing old-people makeup! That said, it's really only poor JJ -- buried under a bald cap and copious fake wrinkles – who looks remotely elderly after emerging from the make-up chair. Andi just looks like someone gave her a blotchy spray tan and a silver wig. Once they've changed into some "old clothes" and affected wobbly senior-citizen gaits, though, Andi and JJ manage to convince some bewildered Santa Barbarans to take their photo. Okay, sure, this date is hilariously lacking in real-world applications, but I'll admit Andi and JJ do genuinely seem like they're having fun together. More like friend fun than romantic fun... but for now, "the quirky individual" gets the rose. (Enjoy it while you can, JJ. No way you're making it to the end.)

NEXT: Good God can this season get any sadder?

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