'The Bachelorette' recap: Failure to Launch

Ed, however, implodes under pressure for the second time this episode; even though his ''private'' message contains the most heartfelt declaration, he recites it with about as much emotion as he would if he were reading a side-effects disclaimer off a cue card. ''Jill, this experience has been unlike anything that I have ever imagined... I know we've had some bumps in the road... I would love an opportunity to show you that I'm ready to take our relationship to the next level. [Pause as the production assistant changes cue card] You're beautiful, you're intelligent, you're funny, sometimes inappropriate, and I love all those things about you. I would love an opportunity to spend the rest of my life with you and propose to you. I love you.'' And she LOVES it... though to be fair, it's unclear how she feels about that last part, which totally catches her off guard — if her wide eyes and sharp intake of breath are any indication.

Jillian gets the rose ceremony off on an awkward foot by telling the guys that she's ''definitely falling in love with all of you,'' and then she ratchets up the pain level to 11 by pulling Ed aside for a last-minute one-on-one, leaving the other guys to stare at their shoes. She gently tries to tell Ed that she's not sure she can buy the car without taking it for a test drive first, so he hurries to explain his malfunction in broadcast-TV-friendly terms: ''I'm having a hard time adjusting to everything.'' He goes on to assure her, ''If you can just trust me and believe that everything I have told you up until now is sincere and that you don't need to worry about anything... I am absolutely crazy about you.'' Good enough! Kipper gets the first rose (of course), and after a looooong pause, an unsure Jillian calls Ed's name. During the ''take a moment and say your goodbyes'' kiss-off, Reid offers this feeble (and some might say rude) parting shot: ''I hope you made the right move. I don't know if you're completely sure.'' Looking somewhat offended and totally overwhelmed, Jillian gives him the ''I just worry that we're at different places in our life'' line, and then the two of them — who've never really had anything to say to each other in the first place — sit in silence one last time before parting at the white Reject Limo. Once inside, Reid is finally able to utter the words Jillian wanted to hear: ''I think I can definitely say that I was falling in love with her. I don't think she even knows that.'' To paraphrase The Wedding Singer, count that under ''things that could have been brought to her attention YESTERDAY!''

Phew! I'm so glad Ed escaped the axe this week — clearly, Jillian must have realized that what happened in the Fantasy Suite happens to every guy at least once in his life. So, Ed and Kipper for the final two! Who will Jillian choose? The workaholic who's all but guaranteed to drop to his knee and offer a proposal, or the ''perfect'' heartbreaker who is likely to be as withholding as his freakish mom when it comes to offering a ring? I think you all know who I'm rooting for, but I want to know what you think. Which bachelor should and/or will be left standing? (And are you as creeped out as I am by those promos for ABC's Dating in the Dark?) Post your thoughts/theories/complaints in the comments section now! Then head over to PopWatch for Chris Harrison's exclusive blog, where he gives us a preview of next week's Men Tell All special and reveals what Jillian thought of Ed's ridiculous rose ceremony ensemble. Finally, check out our bonus deleted scene below, in which Jillian takes it all off in front of a clearly flustered Reid. (Godspeed, Chandler Bing!) Ok, folks, let's talk Bachelorette!

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