OMG, you guys -- what could have happened? Did Andi catch Juan Pablo planting a hidden camera next to the hot tub? Did he invite Clare over for a little NSF Reality TV threesome? Or did the Bachelor shock Andi by trying to make a rear delivery (nudge nudge wink wink say no more)? None of the above. Instead, Juan Pablo did something worse than all of those things combined: He revealed himself to be... a narcissist. "Every time I started to talk about feelings, or every time I started to talk about something from my past, it was always him that started telling his own story," laments Andi. "It was always stories about him. Not once did he really ask anything about me. I just started to realize that he didn't really care about who I was and what I thought and what I want in life." Couple that with Juan Pablo's incessant name-dropping and his casual revelation to that he also had an overnight date with Clare, and Andi is just done. "He thinks that he can say whatever he wants to say and that everyone's going to laugh and still fall in love with him and that it's all fun and games," fumes Andi, "but it gets to a point where it's just offensive."
Well, sure, honey -- but where was all this common sense six months ago when you said to yourself, "You know what -- I think I'll fill out an application and submit to numerous rounds of producer interviews in an effort to date a man who's being paid to star in a well-loved but endlessly-mocked reality TV dating show with a record of 4 out of 23 when it comes to actual marriages"? I'm really happy that the scales have fallen from your eyes, Andi, but I think I join the rest of America in saying, We told you so.
While Andi takes a moment to figure out what she's going to do (a.k.a. "argues with producers over how soon she can catch a flight back to Atlanta"), let's move on to Nikki's overnight date. She shows up in a beige fringe bikini top and garish palazzo pants -- so I'm guessing she came straight from her second job as a waitress at a Sonny and Cher-themed hot wings restaurant. They mount some horses and head to the beach (could have done without the saddle-cam view, Team Bachelor), where they strip down to their suits and frolic in the surf.
It's all going exactly as you would expect -- the only real "stakes" here are whether or not Nikki will gather enough courage to tell Juan Pablo she loves him at dinner. "You've been thinking a lot," he tells her during a quiet moment. (Why is he constantly pointing out when the "ladies" are thinking, as though it's a bad thing? Wait -- don't answer that.) Anyhow, she doesn't get up enough nerve to spit out those all-important three words until they're back in the Suite. "I wouldn't be here if I didn't feel the way I do. And... I love you," says Nikki, in her best baby voice. "And I think you probably already know that." So then they make out, and Team Bachelor ends the scene with the requisite outside-view-of-the-lights-turning-off shot.
NEXT: "I want to die if I have to hear 'It's okay' again"