That's not going to happen tonight, though, because Renee and her hypnotizing eyes have earned a rose... but not a kiss. (Her magic wish lantern must have been broken.) Juan Pablo, you see, doesn't want poor little Ben watching at home and wondering, "Mommy what are you doing? Why are you kissing this guy? Is he going to be, kind of, my stepdad?" It's a smart move; after all, we all remember how things turned out for poor little Ricki.
The next day, Sharleen, Chelsie, Kat, Cassandra, Clare, Kelli, Alli, Danielle, and Andi head out for their "go with the flow" group date. "It's been five weeks and I've been on group date after group date after group date," Andi sighed when the date card arrived the night before. "What am I doing here if I'm not getting a one-on-one date?" Hating yourself, I'd guess. Buck up, little camper -- look at all these nice round bamboo boats! Won't it be fun to ride in them with a "lady" of your choice? Yes, I said "lady," because each boat only holds two people -- and while you and the other women were so busy picking each other as partners, Clare used her pariah status to snag a spot on the Bachelor's ride. And Juan Pablo, bless his heart, remains completely oblivious to the fact that every other woman on the date wants to drown Clare in the river -- so much so that he starts laying "little besitos" on her (that is, making out with her), thinking that the rest of the "ladies" are too far away to notice. But notice they do. "I'm seeing another one-on-one date happen right in front of my eyes," grouses Andi. Jokes Chelsie, "Me and Alli have had a really romantic morning."
Then Juan Pablo takes his harem to a local family farm and puts them to work in the fields. "It's a big community and they all work together," marvels Cassandra of the set up. "I was telling some of the girls that we should have this, um, back in America." Good point, honey. Where else but Vietnam can you see migrant workers picking other people's food? After a healthy looking farm-to-table meal, the group heads back to the hotel for the requisite cocktail portion of the evening. (What in the holy hell is that blue concoction Sharleen is drinking? Anti-freeze on the rocks?) Our endearingly tone deaf Bachelor kicks off the evening by grabbing -- you guessed it! -- Clare for the first one-on-one chat. "Should we just take the rose now and give it to her?" jokes Kelly, who must be commended for maintaining a sharp sense of humor during this entire soul-sucking "journey." The Bachelor leads Clare to his hotel suite, where they proceed to strip down to their bathing suits and make out in the pool. Jesus, buddy, way to make the other "ladies" feel special.
Sharleen, for one, is feeling that classic post-one-on-one date depression -- and today's Clare-heavy group excursion has not helped her mood. "I guess I'm questioning the connection we have," she says. "I need to believe that he sees me as a panda in a room full of brown bears." (Huh? Is that a colloquialism, or did her electric blue cocktail addle her brain?)
NEXT: Clare crosses something off her bucket list