The Bachelor season premiere recap: There Will Be Stud

Sean kicks off his "journey" by changing up the rose rules and displaying a shockingly snappy sense of humor, proving he's more than just a delicious slab of man beef
Ep. 01 | Aired Jan 7, 2013

EYES UP HERE, LADIES! They're real, and they're pectacular.

ABC

Eventually, though, Sarah musters up the courage to pull Sean aside and give him her 60-second bio (her dog is her life, but she doesn't want to marry him), as well as a frank, well-spoken ice breaker: "Obviously I was born with one arm," she begins. "I don't want to be perceived as disabled – I might be a little different or a little unique, but at the end of the day I have the same heart. I just don't want you to feel uncomfortable." To Sean's credit, he gives her the rose, and he actually seems pretty genuine about it.

Clink clink clink! Harrison and his Champagne Flute of Fate are in da house! Are there even any roses left to give out? Seven, actually, which means the whole ritual flies by, relatively speaking: Amanda, Leslie M., Kacie (and the crowd goes grrrrrrrrr!), Kristy, Daniella, Taryn, and Lindsay -- wait, seriously? Hope you kept your rape whistle handy, sir. At some point during the night, Brooke and Diana must have gotten roses as well, since they're still hanging around when Sean does his champagne toast to the "crazy journey" ahead.

So tonight we say farewell to Lauren, KerriAnn, Lacey, Paige (sorry, honey, but telling someone "I was on Bachelor Pad 3" is akin to confessing "I have genital herpes" on your first date), Kelly the cruise ship entertainer, Ashley H., and of course 50 Shades of Loaded, who admits it's a "bit of a bumski," and then hikes up her dress to display her tattooed haunch: "That Ken doll missed out on 100 percent of this Barbie ass!" And with that, dear rose lovers, we're off and running. So, are you satisfied with your new Bachelor? It seems to me this season is going to be relatively low on drama (despite the producers' best efforts to make us believe that someone threw Tierra down the stairs). And you know what? I might be okay with that. You? Be sure to check out Chris Harrison's exclusive blog over on PopWatch, and for more on the bachelorette's fashion choices, click over to instyle.com. Keep the chardonnay on ice, folks -- it's gonna be a long nine weeks.

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