The Bachelor season premiere recap: There Will Be Stud

Sean kicks off his "journey" by changing up the rose rules and displaying a shockingly snappy sense of humor, proving he's more than just a delicious slab of man beef
Ep. 01 | Aired Jan 7, 2013

EYES UP HERE, LADIES! They're real, and they're pectacular.

ABC

Back in the driveway, Amanda proposes to Sean that they share a preemptive awkward pause, which is kinda cute; Keriann tells him that she drove 2,775 miles to be on the show (does ABC no longer provide airfare or something?); and Desiree gives Sean some a penny to toss in Casa Bachelor's fountain. And now it's Sarah's turn. If Sean is surprised by her appearance, he doesn't show it. "You're beautiful!" he gushes. He seems equally charmed by Lesley M., who tries the old "hike me this football" trick so she can admire his butt.  Unfortunately for Lindsay, though, showing up in a wedding dress and kissing Sean on the lips as a greeting comes across as more crazy than cute. Poor Lindz doesn't make things better when she gives herself props for the prank. "I've got balls!" she boasts to the Bachelor, who deadpans, "Well, I hope not." I don't know, Sean... that would make for some amazing TV.

Sadly, though, the twist Team Bachelor has in store for us is far tamer: Looks like Kacie B. From Ben's Season has returned to get a second chance at love and/or be the spark that ignites the wine-soaked "ladies" inside into a raging ball of hate flame. Predictably, the women greet Kacie's arrival with resentment – "She had her chance with Ben," grouses Desiree, "so what makes her think that something will work with Sean?" -- but seriously, what are they worried about? What possible advantage does Kacie really have? Basically, she already knows where the bathrooms are. Let's just simmer down, "ladies."

Woooooooooooooh, Sean's here, y'all! Somebody beer him so he can give y'all a pep talk! "If you're feeling nervous at all, ultimately, I want you guys to relax, and I want you to be yourselves," Sean tells the assembled bachelorettes. "I would love to find my wife in this group of ladies." Hell to the yeah! To kick things off, Sean leads a group of "ladies" in a primal scream, which seems to diffuse a bit of tension… at least until Kacie B. gets the first one-on-one with Sean. Ever the gentleman, the Bachelor drapes his jacket over Kacie as they chat about their last meeting, which was presumably at one of those Bachelor Nation booze cruises or something, when they had "a blast," though Sean admits to the camera later that it's "kinda weird" to find out that Ben's castoff now has a crush on him. Still, Kacie thinks things went well: "If I didn't get a rose tonight, I'd be a little shocked."

You may want to work on your surprised face, honey, because Sean seems to be handing out roses left and right to women who aren't you. As he and Desiree have their one-on-one, a Production Ninja scampers past in the background... and when the camera pulls back, we see a rose resting on the table next to the couch. "I want to learn a lot more about you," says Sean. "So, Desiree, will you accept this rose?" And the other women HATE it. "[Gasp] She has a rose!" whispers Paige urgently. "Are there two first impression roses?" Then -- horror of horrors -- another woman walks in clutching a rose. "Isn't this exciting?" coos AshLee, as the women give her flower the stink eye. What in the name of all that's holy is going on? If Paige could broadcast the mood of the room on her jumbotron right now, it would read: WE ARE SCREWED.

NEXT: Rules? Sean doesn't need no stinkin' rules!

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