Image credit: ABC
PAPER TRAIL "Wait a minute -- no one told me I'd be getting a bill for the Fantasy Suite..."
Before he reunites the happy couple on live TV, Harrison wants to poke Sean's emotional bruise by making him talk about Lindsay. "I wish I could have given her something to provide her closure," says Sean, who adds that the last time he bawled like he did that day was when his grandfather died. (Is this flattering to Lindsay or insulting to Sean's grandpa? I can't decide.) Lindsay arrives looking subdued and pretty in a lacy cream-colored dress, and she continues to handle the whole situation with surprising maturity. "I just watched the episode," she tells Sean. "It's hard to see that, but, you know, I just kind of wonder what happened, you know."
Sean really doesn't have anything more to offer her than "Catherine > Lindsay," and then he kind of tries to blame it on God. "I stayed in prayer constantly that week, like, 'Lord, what do you want?'" says Sean. "I can't point to specifics. I can just say there was something there with Catherine." Lindsay accepts his explanation graciously and repeats that she's happy for Sean and Catherine, but Harrison wants her to cry some more, so he makes her recount the next few days after getting dumped on national TV. "I had to go talk to my family, tell them how, you know, it didn't work out," she says. "That's what I kind of keep thinking about -- what went wrong?"
Naturally Lindsay wants to know when he knew she was perfect but inexplicably not the perfect woman for him. "After our one-on-one date, the final day that we spent together," stammers Sean. "At certain points God reveals things on His own time and it's almost like He said, 'All right, Catherine's the one.'" (Cut to heaven, where God is shouting at his TV: "Keep Me out of it!") Still, Lindsay handles herself very well and it seems like maybe she really did learn something from this "journey." If only her voice weren't so annoying, she'd make a decent Bachelorette, don't you think? Too bad the job's taken. (More on that in a moment.)
At long last, it's time for Catherine to join her beefy beau in the Thunderdome. "I'm happy we can be public now," she beams, after showing off her ring for Harrison. She goes on to say that she knew Sean might be The One after seeing his hair caked with snow on their date in Canada. "I knew that I could see him in old age. He looked good!" she trills, adding, "In Thailand, it became obvious." Indeed, they do look awfully smitten with each other while cuddling with their arms entwined on the couch -- and I'll admit I let out a little "Awwwww" when Sean says he reads Catherine's letter "all the time." And I'll admit that I, too, got a little misty watching Sean and Catherine watch themselves getting engaged on the jumbotron.
And they'll get married on one too! Sean's "big announcement" (or one of them, at least, is that they've decided to allow ABC to pay for and film their sacred marriage ceremony. "Our relationship started and was developed and cultivated on a TV show," says Sean. "We'll have our wedding on a TV show, and ABC will cover the wedding." And no, Chris, you can't do it right now just because you were ordained via performyourfriendswedding.com, or whatever.
NEXT: The next Bachelorette is... in real need of some bangs