'The Bachelor' season finale recap: Too Close for Comfort

Oil up those pecs, Uncle Seany, because today's the day! And whaddya know? The Bachelor is suddenly, miraculously ready: "I woke up this morning and I just knew that there was a woman that I couldn't stand to live without." And just in time because -- knock knock knock! -- there's an Overly Tanned Jeweler at the door! Neil Lane arrives with his Briefcase of Bling, and Sean chooses the cushion-cut, "micro-pave"-covered ring. As he gets dressed to meet the "ladies," I have to admit, rose lovers, I'm feeling a little nostalgic. After all, this is the last gratuitous scene of Sean walking around shirtless that we'll get to enjoy together! Time just flies, doesn't it?

But before we can see who will get out of the limo first, Team Bachelor wants us to spend a little more time watching a grown man cry. "I've never been in a situation where I'm breaking up with a girl yet I have no reason to give her," says Sean, wiping the tears from his face. "You know, to see the hurt in her eyes? I don't want to see that." Back at the Tealight Candle Thunderdome, the audience seems to be rooting for Catherine, if the Shriek-o-Meter is accurate. Harrison polls some of the former contestants for their take on the situation. Lesley predicts that Catherine will take the final rose -- "I think couples who multiply together, stay together" -- while Sarah tentatively endorses Lindsay. As for AshLee? She still looks great, her forehead still doesn't move, and she thinks Lindsay just may get the W. I'm sorry, but I'm really not that interested in what Jackie has to say.

Harrison opens the SUV's door (was there a limo shortage Thailand?) and the Shoe Cam reveals... a tattooed foot in silver heels, meaning it's Lindsay -- sporting a form-fitting silver gown -- who is about to have her heart ripped out of her chest on national TV. Harrison escorts her to the Bridal Bridge, but she still has to walk about five minutes on her own before until finally reaching Sean at the Proposal Platform.

It starts out encouragingly enough, as it always does. Sean tells Lindsay she looks beautiful and proceeds to rave about her "courage," "love," and "generosity." To his credit, though, he doesn't draw things out. "Um," he begins, before taking a 11–second pause during which we see realization settle on Lindsay's face like a blanket of volcanic ash. "Lindsay, this is the toughest thing I've ever had to do," says Sean quietly, as her mouth opens in silent protest. "I want to give you my heart so bad, but my heart's leading me somewhere else." Lindsay pulls her hands from Sean's grasp as the Bachelor goes on to explain that up until the day before he was "confused" and "praying for clarity," and "I think I've finally gotten it." My guess is her next thought was, You THINK?, but Lindsay just nods quietly, repeatedly, until Sean takes it one step too far: "I love you -- that's the hardest part. I love you, I know I do." Lindsay tries to shut him up -- "Please, just don't. It's okay" -- but Sean really wants her to know how bad he's feeling at this moment. She covers her face with her hands. "Stop. No, stop. Just please... It's okay. Was it me?"

NEXT: "Oh my gosh, I get this?"