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PAPER TRAIL "Wait a minute -- no one told me I'd be getting a bill for the Fantasy Suite..."
Well, Lindsay, you'd better hope dad feels the same way about you! "I could be possibly... meeting... my family... for the first time... so I'm a little nervous," says Lindsay, hyperventilating. Could someone get this woman a paper bag to breathe into? Once inside with the family, though, Lindsay relaxes enough to joke that her wedding dress stunt -- which Jay says took "a lot of nerve" -- also took "a lot of champagne." When Lindsay sits down with Sean's dad for a talk, he asks her the same "How do you know?" question, and her answer is about as lame as Catherine's. "I just know… I want to hang out with him for the rest of my life." But the next minute, she expertly drops the p-word (that is, "prayer") while talking to Jay about what it takes to make a marriage work, and instantly earns 4,000 Jesus Is My Homeboy points. In fact, reveals Jay, he and Sherry began praying for Sean's wife -- wherever she was -- the day Sean was born. (Good thing Sean didn't end up wanting a husband.)
Lindsay's chat with Sherry seems to go smoothly, too, especially when she tells her potential mother-in-law that she and Sean won't cohabitate until they're married. "That makes me feel so good to hear that," says Sherry. "I want him to end up with someone who has the same values that he has." Before the day ends, Jay feels so comfortable around Lindsay that he makes a pretty ballsy joke: "Well, shall we vote?" Nice one, dad!
The mood gets a lot more serious once Lindsay boards the shuttle back to the bachelorette holding pen and Sean is alone with his family. Everyone agrees both "ladies" are great, but Mom wants to know, what's the rush? So what if her boy has voluntarily signed on to star in a dating show that all parties understand will end with a proposal? "Countin' down!" she warns Sean, tapping her invisible watch ominously. "It's gotta... just feel like in your heart that it's the absolute right thing to do, or yeah, you don't need to be proposing to either one of them." This advice makes the Bachelor bristle a bit, and he politely tells his mama that he doesn't need her to like his decision. "More than anything," he says, "I just want your support."
Oh, nice work, buddy -- now you've made your mom cry! "It's just a huge decision," says Sherry, as Sean gallantly leads his mom for a walk away from the cameras. (The crew trails behind, naturally.) "I'm not going to do anything unless I'm positive about it," Sean assures his mom. "I promise you that." It's sweet how protective the Bachelor is of his mama, but did he really think this situation wasn't going to cause her "stress out"? I think "chooses his wife on TV" is trumped only by "gets a face tattoo" and "decides to major in English" on the Mother's Worst Fears for Her Son list. One patented Bachelor Balcony Shot (minus the cry) later, and we fade to black.
Day dawns on Chiang Rai, and as Sean heads to meet Lindsay for their final date, he can't stop thinking about Sherry's advice. "My mom believes that I should know by now which one's for me, and if I don't, I shouldn't propose to either one of them," he muses. "But I truly believe that my wife is here." Dude, you keep saying that, but I'm with mom -- if you haven't found her yet, you may want to look elsewhere.
NEXT: "I feel like s--t, to be honest"