Image credit: ABC
PLEASE DON'T FEED THE TOURISTS Sean and Lindsay bow to their monkey overlords on a beach in Thailand.
Hey Sean, remember that time you stood on Ao Nang Beach and pretended not to notice Catherine running up behind you with crazy eyes? That was awesome. Yes, it's the final date of the episode, and it begins with Sean and Catherine boarding a boat for a scenic trip around the islands. "As I've been away from Catherine I've realized how much I miss her," says the Bachelor. "But I left our hometown date thinking do we have the same life goals? Do we want to live our lives the same way?" (Meaning: Does she want to fit her life completely into his?)
As they cruise through the turquoise water, Sean tries to tackle these questions head on. "Do you think you could come to Dallas and... In this environment, it's so easy to get swept away with everything," says Sean. "But, like, when all the cameras go away, it's just going to be you and me." Oh sure, says Catherine. I'm totally over Seattle -- and the farther I can get from my bitch sisters the better. You see, Catherine wasn't actually ready to settle down until she thought she was ready to settle down and then realized she was wrong about being ready. Or something. And he LOVES it. "Catherine put my mind at ease about being ready to settle down," says the Bachelor, who apparently doesn't mind that she almost never makes eye contact with him when they're talking.
Dinner proceeds apace, with neither of them touching their food. Before Sean can even pull out the Fantasy Suite card, however, his date launches into a long explanation of how she arrived on The Bachelor convinced that she would never accept an invitation to that den of sin because she wants to be seen as a "lady" (actual quote)... but then she spent the past week at home thinking about how quickly she'd torpedo her chances for the final rose if she was the only woman who didn't give it up, so yeah, let's do this.
"You're such a hunk!" declares Catherine, after the duo has retreated to the Suite. "I never thought that I would be able to be with somebody like that." Despite being gorgeous, Catherine has a pretty negative body image thanks to years of teasing (from her sisters?) about being "chubby" and eating too much. "I've honestly never been in a bathing suit more times in my life than I have with you," she admits to the Bachelor, who insists that she's "smokin' hot." Next up? More bathing suit time, of course, as Catherine and Sean smooch and giggle in the pool by candlelight.
(Then there's a commercial for Oz, hosted by Chris Harrison and three well-dressed hostages at Casa Bachelor who bear a striking resemblance to Mila Kunis, Michelle Williams, and Rachel Weisz.)
The next morning, Shirtless Towel-Wrapped Sean ruminates on who he's going to send home while fixing his hair in the bathroom mirror. "I know how special she is, and I know how much she brings to the table," he says. "It just so happens that my other two relationships are stronger." Before he pulls the trigger, though, he sits down for a debrief with Harrison, who kindly reminds Sean that this was the week he got the boot on The Bachelorette. "When I was standing there in Curacao at the rose ceremony, I was blindsided," recalls the Bachelor. "I know she's about to experience the same thing, and unfortunately there's nothing I can do about it."
NEXT: "She didn't say goodbye to us!"