Image credit: ABC
PLEASE DON'T FEED THE TOURISTS Sean and Lindsay bow to their monkey overlords on a beach in Thailand.
At dinner -- which takes place in front of some spectacularly colorful Thai temple parade floats -- Lindsay continues to struggle with declaring her love, though she does manage to declare her willingness to relocate to Dallas: "I'd be willing to just move whenever," she says. "I'm just so excited for our life to start." And just as she's about to muster up the courage, a parade of resplendently-garbed women with some truly glamorous manicures arrive to perform the traditional Thai Fingernail Dance. It would have been so fantastic if one of the dancers had presented Lindsay with the Fantasy Suite card speared on the end of her magnificent talons, but instead Sean just whips the card out from somewhere under the table. Naturally Lindsay says yes, and once they're sitting on the king-sized bed next to the tray of champagne and chocolate-covered strawberries, Lindsay finally spits it out: "There is something that I do want to tell you," she begins in that awful baby voice. "I love you." Maestro, cue the orchestra -- and Team Bachelor, get the hell out. Goodnight, Thailand!
The next morning, a refreshed-looking Sean meets AshLee at the docks for their start of their trial run. There's no mystery as to how AshLee's feeling -- as Sean reminds us, she told him "a number of times" that she loves him -- so now he just wants to know if AshLee can do things other than say I love you. Things "outside of her comfort zone." Like, for example, swimming through a "deep, dark" cave to get to a private beach. "I want my wife to be able to trust me in certain situations," explains the Bachelor. What is it with this guy and his effing tests? First Lindsay says she doesn't want to eat bugs... so he makes her eat bugs. And now he's all, Hey AshLee, you have a fear of abandonment, right? Okay, well I'm going to need you to follow me through this dark, wet, birth canal-like tunnel so I can see if you'll be able to make it through without getting lost/losing it.
Eventually they make it through, of course, and Sean feels good because he loves to be AshLee's "protector," and AshLee feels good because, well, she's kind of obsessed with Sean. "I don't feel like there are two human beings that belong together more than him and I," she gushes. (I don't know, maybe Strunk and White?) That doesn't mean AshLee's all gung ho to head to the Fantasy Suite, though. "I'm not willing to morally put myself out there, and he's doing the same with the other girls," she explains. So when Sean whips out the envelope, AshLee reads the card and struggles for a response. "Um..." But the born again virgin comes to the rescue, assuring her that all he wants is to "talk." And she LOVES it: "I know where you stand, and you know where I stand so, um, yeah." Once in the Suite, they do just keep talking; Sean tells AshLee that he was confident from the beginning that "this was going to work out," and AshLee tells Sean that she wants a "cushion ring with diamonds all the way around the band" in a size 6 ½. Oh god, isn't it bad luck to tell the man you're sharing with two other women exactly what kind of ring you want before he decides if he's going to propose? I fear AshLee may have just made a fatal mistake.
NEXT: "You're such a hunk!"