The Bachelor recap: Eyebrow-Beaten

Ding-dong, the bitch is dead!
Ep. 07 | Aired Feb 11, 2013

THE BRUNETTE HAS TWO FACES Tierra is all smiles during her one-on-one with Sean.


Back at the hotel, AshLee is finally losing her temper after the Tierrarist insists she that she didn't just say what she just said, which was all the women have "talked sh--" about AshLee behind her back. "Oh my God, what can we do to reroll tape right now?" AshLee shouts, before turning her laser-hate glare on Tiny T. "I never said one time said anything to Sean until he flat out said your name, and asked me about you. Period," she fumes. "I would ask you questions, Tierra, and you would just look at me and walk off, as if I wasn't saying anything!"

And on and on it goes, with AshLee throwing Tierra's words back in her face ("You said your parents... were worried about you coming here because you can't get along with girls") and Tiny T shrilly trying to rewrite history ("They never said that! They said, Tierra, you have a sparkle. Do not let those girls take your sparkle away.") And there this was this Tierra monologue, which is too beautiful not to be recounted in full. Lights please:

"People have judged me because I haven't said, 'Good morning.' Because of the look on my face and my eyebrow. I CAN'T CONTROL MY EYEBROW! I cannot control my eyebrow. I can't control what's on my face 24-7. If I could walk around with a smile on 24-7, I would -- but my face would get frickin' tired."

(To be fair, Tierra probably can't control her eyebrow, given all that Botox she definitely has not had.)

Is it any wonder that in the midst of this screamy showdown -- "Go back to your cot!" orders AshLee -- Sean all of a sudden decides to show up at the hotel to fetch Tierra so she can meet Shay? Well played, Team Bachelor. Naturally, he finds Tierra weeping dramatically on the aforementioned cot. "I'm so sensitive and I have such a big heart," she whimpers. "My date with you have been heavy on my heart... Today, I confronted somebody because I felt like that person sabotaged our connection." (Hey, has anyone seen AshLee? Perhaps we should check under the bus that just rolled through the master suite.) "She's just been out to get me I feel like," continues Tiny T. "I hate getting emotional, but I get emotional because I care."

Yeah, so Operation Meet the Sister looks like it's a bust. With a curt "Okay," Sean excuses himself and goes outside for some air. "My sister told me if a girl cannot get along with another girl, that's trouble," he intones via voiceover. "This is turning into a nightmare." Fortunately, it's time for all of us to wake the eff up. Walking back inside, Sean looks like a man on his way to the execution chamber, but that's probably because he knows Tierra is likely to stab him in the jugular with some tweezers when she hears what he has to say. "I'm crazy about you and I have been from the very first night," he says quietly. "Because I care so much about you, I think it might be best if, you know, you go home now." Okay, so that was an extremely wussy way to dump her --I'm doing this for your own good, not because you're psycho with a fanged vagina, really! -- but whatever, the deed is done.

NEXT: No cocktail party? No problem!

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