So... back to that one-on-one date with Desiree. Team Bachelor tries to manufacture some tension with the idea that Des was "questioning" her "feelings" for Sean last week and that the Bachelor has to use this outdoorsy date to "let her know how special she is." They head to Banff National Park, where Sean pulls the same I brought you up here for champagne/a picnic but oh, yeah, it's actually at the BOTTOM of this tall building/mountain crap he pulled on Sarah for her first date. In other words, let's get ready to rappeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel! Do I even need to explain what happens next? They don helmets with cameras on their heads, Des talks in voiceover about how scary it is, and says (actual quote) "rappelling down the mountain was seriously like a relationship." Okay, you know what, rose lovers? I can't even pretend to recap the rest. Meet you back here for the dinner portion of the date, okay?
Hey! Nice to see you again. Des and Sean meet for dinner in a teepee cuddle under a blanket in front of a crackling fire. Now it's Desiree's turn to bare her soul: She and her family didn't have much money growing up, and they lived in tents and trailer parks periodically when her parents were struggling to find affordable places to live. "My parents always made it work for me and my brother," she tells Sean. "They just loved each other and they loved us kids." Parents who built a loving family despite personal adversity? That's like Bachelor catnip! (And now we know why Team Bachelor scheduled this date in a teepee -- how else would they get this phenomenally ridiculous sound bite? "I opened up about spending some of my life in a tent, and here I am falling in love in a teepee.") Date rose, meet Desiree. Desiree, meet the date rose.
The cocktail party is crucial for Selma, who didn't take the polar bear plunge and also hasn't kissed Sean for cultural reasons. Therefore, she tells us, "Tonight I want to show him... I still have the courage to show him my love always." And that she does, by demanding the Bachelor stay still so she can plant an extremely tentative, close-mouthed kiss on his befuddled lips. "Mama, please forgive me," she tells the camera later. "I had to bring out the big guns tonight." In contrast, Lindsay has to force herself not to kiss Sean during their alone time so that they can have an conversation... but beyond "What did you love most about Canada?" and "I sleep naked," she doesn't have a whole lot to offer.
NEXT: Two "ladies" get deported