The Bachelor recap: Northern Exposure

A trip to Canada results in yet another "near-death" experience for Tierra, while Sean is finally forced to reveal his lack of feelings for one well-liked "lady"
Ep. 06 | Aired Feb 5, 2013

FREEZE FRAME Tierra suffers the consequences of chilly tootsies after her polar bear plunge.

ABC

The other women are not pleased with Lesley's flirty behavior with Sean during the canoe trip, and they're even less excited to learn that they didn't paddle all that way to soak in an outdoor hot tub. Instead, the Bachelor announces they'll be participating in the Lake Louise Polar Bear Plunge. I think Tierra speaks for all of them when she says, "What?" Don't worry, "ladies" -- it's okay if you forgot to pack a defibrillator in your purses before you left the hotel; Sean has arranged for a lifeguard and an EMT to stand by to restart your heart and/or other vital organs after the swim. Selma, the Iraqi who hates extreme heat and also, apparently, dislikes extreme cold, offers a glib "Y'all are on your own!" and parks her butt down on a bench while the other women start disrobing. I mean, most of the other women: AshLee's waffling, while Tiny T -- perhaps already formulating her plan -- is "scared of how I'm going to react afterwards."

Eventually, though, everybody but Selma strips down to their bathing suits and starts bounce-jogging their way toward the water. Explains Daniella, "Sean is hot, I'm hot -- so let's just jump in and get cold and hot together!" What follows is a lot of high-pitched screaming and barely-decipherable exclamations of pain -- aaiiieeee! aiieeee! eeeaah! aaaaieeeeeee! Wooo hooo! oh my aaaayyiiiiiia! that is so cold! aaaaaaieeee! eeiiyyyyaaaaaaa! -- and then, just like that, eight wet human forms emerge from the icy teal water like a the earth's first creatures crawling out of the primordial ooze. Selma's all, Hey guys, here's a towel, but everyone is too busy celebrating their adventure with Sean to pay her any mind.

Of course, the other person being ignored is Tierra, but not for long. Soon the cameras find her stumbling around the beach, still wearing nothing but a tin-foil blanket, her mouth opening and closing like a carp in distress. She's whisked off to a heating tent where the medics wrap her in towels and blankets and more tin foil sheets and then carry her cocooned body to a waiting SUV. Tiny T stares dully ahead as her hands tremble uncontrollably. After the medic determines that Tierra doesn't know what day it is, the decision is made to wrap her in about 10 more blankets and stuff her into a wheelchair. Once they have her inside, the EMT announces that Tierra is "doing better," but the patient herself does not agree. Putting on her best Nellie Oleson pout face, Tierra whimpers, "I missed time with him!"

When Catherine and Desiree find their "disheveled" fellow bachelorette huddling under blankets and whimpering about being forced to jump in a "glacier," they're naturally concerned about how the other women on the group date fared. Cut to: Lesley, Daniella, Sarah, Lindsay and AshLee hooting, giggling, and hugging in the hotel room over their incredible bonding experience. "Once again the ambulance was called; Tierra couldn't handle it," scoffs Lindsay. "Same story, different day." Indeed, Tiny T's brush with death does bring her more unscheduled one-on-one time with Sean yet again; he visits Tierra in her hotel sickbed, where she reclines wearing a robe, fuzzy socks, and a totally unnecessary oxygen tube. "Oh, bless your heart," coos the Bachelor, who for some reason doesn't take off his shoes before getting in her bed. Gross! "I'm so sorry." He smooches Tierra and suggests that she stay in bed rather than come to the group date cocktail party.

NEXT: "I just don't want to be told forever how great I am"

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