The Bachelor recap: Tierrarist Attack

Tiny T continues to tantrum her way into Sean's heart, while Leslie H. gets the Pretty Woman treatment
Ep. 04 | Aired Jan 28, 2013

HELL ON WHEELS Tierra gets her couples-skate time with Sean at the derby rink.

ABC

But to my enormous relief, this exchange was exponentially less awkward than Team Bachelor led us to believe with their editing. "So I'm trying to think which pick-up line I'm going to use on you tonight," Robyn begins playfully. And when she performs her candy-themed bit, it's all so clearly a joke -- she even bursts out laughing after delivering the "Which chocolate do you want to taste?" punch line -- that my embarrassment and vague discomfort and subsequent white liberal guilt about that vague discomfort vanished. Phew!

Meanwhile, the other "ladies" are debating what to do about the Tierrarist in their midst. Do they say something to Sean or just hope he comes to his senses? "Don't these girls get sick of talking about me?" sneers Tiny T, after being enveloped by chilly silence the moment she walks into the living room. So she asks Jackie and Robyn outside for a heart-to-heart, where offers the most backhanded apology possible. "You kind of attacked me," she tells Robyn, "and in all honesty, it was not fair." Robyn's all, Yeaahhh... no. "In the house, you're kind of stand-offish, and then when you go on a group date with Sean, I feel like all of a sudden you want to be all of our best friends." Eventually, they're so uncomfortable sharing the same oxygen with each other that Robyn and Jackie pretend to accept Tierra's "apology," and hightail it back to the living room.

Tiny T's next stop is Sean, of course, so she can make it clear that it's really the other "ladies" who are the problem. "Girls have a hard time accepting me for who I am," she says sweetly. No worries, says the Bachelor. "If someone came to me and said, 'I've got this list of bad things to say about Tierra, it's not going to influence me.'" Got that people? Sean is HIS OWN MAN! His own man with producers following him around 24-7 asking him leading questions and feeding him intentionally incomplete information! So get over it!

Catherine, who's wisely chosen not to get caught up in the Tierra saga, uses her one-on-one time to give Sean a cute note emblazoned with a lipstick kiss -- and to cut right to the chase. "I've been thinking about you a lot," she tells Sean. "I'm so attracted to you." And he LOVES it.  "You're so easy to be around," gushes the Bachelor. "But at the same time I was like, 'I hope she's not putting me in the friend zone, you know?" Even though there are four "ladies" waiting for Sean's time, he leads Catherine away for canoodling and kissing in the shadows. And all the rose lovers say, Nice to meet you, honey!

So which lucky "ladies" get the roses? Catherine, Desiree, Lindsay, Lesley, Robyn, AshLee, Sarah, Jackie (huh??) and Daniella will join Tierra and Selma on Sean's "journey" for another week, meaning Amanda and her busted jaw is obligated to return home to her Häagen-Dazs and any house pets she may have abandoned to come here.

Well, that was exciting! Post your thoughts on tonight's dramatic extravaganza: How did Amanda last this long? Is Sean really that clueless about Tierra? (Also, has he never seen a parking brake?) And what's this about there being two episodes next week? My God, Team Bachelor, are you trying to kill me? But if the previews are accurate and we may actually get to see Tierra freeze to death, it could be worth it.

More Bachelor from EW:
Chris Harrison's blogs The Bachelor episode 4

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