The Bachelor recap: Tierrarist Attack

Tiny T continues to tantrum her way into Sean's heart, while Leslie H. gets the Pretty Woman treatment
Ep. 04 | Aired Jan 28, 2013

HELL ON WHEELS Tierra gets her couples-skate time with Sean at the derby rink.


The next day, Leslie H. is giddy with excitement, because she's the official winner of this season's Pretty Woman date -- and she's got some product placement diamond earrings to prove it. Sean drives up in a borrowed fancy car and chauffeurs Leslie to Beverly Hills. "I think it's every girl's dream to shop on Rodeo Drive," says the Bachelor. Every girl's dream, huh? I'm guessing there are some girls in, say, Pakistan who have different dreams, like, you know, not being shot in the head for suggesting young women have the right to an education... Arrrrrrrgh. Let it go, Kristen. Let it go.

So Leslie dives into her hooker dream date with abandon, trying on dress after dress as somewhere, Natalie Cole belts out "Wild Women Do" with abandon. Once she's properly outfitted, Sean brings Leslie to see The Bachelor's resident bling broker, Neil Lane, who drapes a 120-carat diamond creation around her neck and sends the duo off for their night on the town. And she LOVES it. "When I look at Sean, I see my future husband," sighs Leslie. "He's everything I could ever, ever wish for, ever." Well, if she's looking for a guy who is skilled at giving other people's money away, then she may just have found her match.

Unfortunately for Leslie, though, the day's elaborate game of dress-up isn't flipping Sean's switch. "Tonight at dinner, I'm hoping that something will click," he admits. "If I was ever going to have that romantic feeling about Leslie, tonight is the night." He probes Leslie for information about her past relationships (she almost married the boy next door), and what lessons she learned from her parents (they divorced when she was 5) -- but even though Leslie is full of the Wonderful QualitiesTM all Bachelors say they want, the elusive "click" Sean's looking for remains unclucked. "She's a joy to be around," he laments, "but the connection just isn't there."

And so comes the uncomfortable moment where the Bachelor must wave the rose in his date's face and say, "This ain't never gonna be yours, toots." Of course, Sean is more polite about it: "I wanted that romantic connection to click, and honestly I just didn't feel it click today." Then poor Leslie hands over the necklace and leaves Sean with a word of advice before climbing into the Reject Limo: "Some girls have roses who are not here for the Right ReasonsTM." Okay, Ben Taylor, ABC is contractually obligated to let you sing, so just get on with it, won't you? Back at Casa Bachelor, the Suitcase Ninja is wrapping up that final loose end. "They're taking it!" the "ladies" whisper frantically. "They're taking it!"

Okay, so I think you all know what we need to talk about next. The cocktail party... specifically, Robyn's one-on-one with Sean at the cocktail party. I'll admit, I've been dreading this for a week, ever since the "Next week on The Bachelor" promo. She couldn't seriously be trying to create a romantic moment with him by asking "Do you like the taste of chocolate?", could she? I wondered nervously. Has she been, like, carrying around the same square of Ghirardelli for weeks waiting for the right time to bust out that terrible line?

NEXT:  Meet Catherine, who has apparently been here the whole time

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