The Cowgirls are up first, so Diana, Daniella, and Lesley take turns standing in front of a split-rail fence with Sean, giving their best sexyface to the camera as a bored white horse nibbles at the bales of hay beside them. Lesley -- decked out in a red bandana-style crop top and blue jeans -- earns Sean's vote by ripping open his shirt and snuggling into his glistening chest. "Lesley's made a big impression on me today," notes the Bachelor. But it's all fun and games until the photographer tells Lesley to plant one on Sean's lips. "The claws are coming out," she says. "I felt twelve sets of eyes glaring at me." We race through the shoots with the "ladies" from the Historical and Vampire categories (quick summary: Brooke looks nice in purple and Robyn is now the only woman in the group who knows what Sean's chin tastes like) so we can get on with the main event: Tierra vs. Kristy Harlequin hussy-off!
Tierra's strategy is to "be aggressive," which involves wrapping her leg around his waist and sneaking a smooch in between nuzzles. If that's aggressive, then I guess you'd have to call Kristy's strategy "aggravated sexual assault": The model thrusts her hips into Sean's groinal region, grabs his hands and begins sliding them down her waist and onto her posterior. Says a stupefied Diana, "It was like, 'Back off, bitches -- let me show you how it's done.'" The Harlequin people have seen enough: Kristy gets the book deal. "Viiiictoreeeee!" squeals the somewhat mannish model, as her first book cover -- for the future literary classic Seduced -- flashes on the screen.
The cocktail party gets off to an adorably awkward start, as Sean and Lesley completely misread each other's signals and both decide the other one doesn't want a kiss. Lesley eventually manages to communicate clearly later that night after tracking Sean down and planting one on him in the garden. ("That's, like, not okay with me," gripes Daniella, who's shooting her confessional about four feet away.) Kacie's one-on-one is almost as awkward, since Sean spends most of the time hinting that he only sees her as a friend and now he has to "shift" her over to the girlfriend zone. "Is that something you want to do, though?" asks Kacie. Sean pauses for six seconds... and then basically chickens out and tells her, "I want to explore whatever this is."
Elsewhere in Harlequin HQ, Daniella is trying to have a conversation -- "I love a lot of you girls," she tells Brooke -- only to be interrupted by Tierra, who is sitting nearby. "I hope I'm one of them!" snaps Tiny T while shoving unidentified food objects into her pie hole. Daniella is not impressed. "I don't really know Tierra -- is that her name? Tierra? Tiara? " she asks in her spaced-out, Valley Girl cadence. "Every time I see her she's moping on a couch or moping in a corner." Sean's noticed too, which is why he pulls Tierra aside for a little pep talk. "I could kind of tell that you were a little bothered today," he begins, and that's all the opening Tiny T needs. "I'm here because what I saw of you on Emily's season blew me away," she tells the Bachelor. "However, it is difficult because I've never pursued a guy that 25 other girls are going after... It's hard!" Oh, don't worry, sweetie -- Sean has no intention of letting you go yet: "I really like you, and I want to spend more time with you."
NEXT: Smile! You're on Candid Chris Harrison Camera!