Welcome, rose lovers, to "the most controversial finale in Bachelor history"! Until the next boneheaded dude chooses his libido over love, that is. Let's do this!
For whom do the church bells toll? They toll for Ben, as he's whisked by train through the snow-capped mountains of Zermatt, Switzerland. As he passes the Matterhorn, the Bachelor recites yet another clunker: "Monumental mountain, monumental moment. " How will he make his choice? Lindzi "lights up the room," but he just needs "more time" to make sure she's the The One. Courtney, on the other hand, has had a special place in his heart since day one, yet all the other "ladies" have warned him that she's treated them badly. Oh, if only he could see how sweetly she's petting that stray kitty in the doorway! Then he'd know the meanie model isn't so bad, after all. (I wonder how many Whiskas treats they had to bribe that cat with so it wouldn't take a swipe at Courtney's face.) "I love both women that I have here," Ben sighs. "This decision is going to be even more difficult than I thought." Cue "This Year's Love"!
Knock knock knock! It's the Family Members of Dread and Doubt at the door! Perhaps Ben's mom and sister (wearing the first of the evening's notable capes) can help him with the decision? If Bachelor history is any guide, I think we know the answer to this: Not a chance. "I want to know exactly why these two girls, you know, what they love about you," says sister Julia, not even attempting to hide her skepticism. "I'm good with reading women, too." No doubt prompted by Team Bachelor, Julia asks Ben if there were any women in the bunch who were "more dramatic, who the other women didn't like." Um, you could say that, sis. "That's kind of a red flag," deadpans Julia. Um, yeah, you could say that, sis.
But let's table the drama for a moment and let the Flajnik clan meet Lindzi, shall we? Ben preps his family with the old "lights up the room" description, and places the blame of his doubt on Lindzi, saying she may need more time to "open up" and "be vulnerable." That doesn't seem to be a problem during the family meet and greet, as Lindzi is so nervous at lunch she keeps dropping her utensils on her lap. "I get a little stressed out when I have to eat proper," she explains with a giggle. Once free from the tyranny of salad forks and butter knives, Lindzi loosens up enough to gush to Mama Barb about why she wants to marry her son: "Your son is amazing. I've just completely fallen in love with him, and love the person he is." With Julia, Lindzi finds herself getting a bit of a lecture -- "I think he wants to dig a little bit deeper with you" -- and is then put on the spot about Courtney. "Apparently there's been drama in terms of what other girls have thought of her," begins Julia, incessantly petting her hair in a very Courtney-like manner. "Have you kind of run into that too?"
NEXT: "She's a model?"