¡Hola, mis amigos! Welcome to gorgeous Vieques, Puerto Rico, the latest stop on Ben's Perfect Place to Fall in Love world tour. While Courtney's ratty T-shirt bears a simple command -- "BE NICE!" -- what fun would that be if the "ladies," or Courtney herself, followed that order?
The first one-on-one date goes to Nicki, much to the dagger-eyed dismay of Elyse and Casey. She dutifully packs her bag and dons a tropical one-shoulder minidress, though she probably could have spent a lot less time getting ready, as Ben didn't even manage to put on a shirt with a collar. (Also: mandals. Never okay.) Helicopter number 2 of the season whisks them to Old San Juan, where Ben buys Nicki a shaved ice. And she LOVES it. "I'm with the man of my dreams, and we're doing things I've never done before," she gushes. "This date is going so great so far, what could possibly go wrong?" Cue the torrential rain! Team Bachelor doesn't even bother to loan the soaked duo an umbrella, so they head to a local shop to purchase dry clothes. But not just any clothes. "What I'm visualizing for the rest of this date is myself in white threads. While linen threads, with white shoes and one of those sweet Colombian-looking hats." After donning his ropa blanco, Ben feels like he's got a little "Latin swagger." Man is this guy a nerd. And I mean that in the best way possible.
Night falls, and over some muy grande glasses of white, Nicki confesses to Ben that the wedding they saw earlier on their date made her feel wistful. "I want my second chance at a fairy tale," she says. "This time around, if I grow it'll be with somebody." So sure, she's only 26 and she's already been married (for three years!) and divorced, but none of that matters to Ben, because Nicki's got a lot of "qualities" that he's looking for. She gets the date rose. Despite all of the subsequent making out -- and I did NOT need the open-mouth tongue shot, thank you very much, Team Bachelor -- these two really don't exude a lot of chemistry. All I kept thinking about during the entire date was how much nicer Ben's hair looks in a humid climate.
Group date! Despite the date card's titillating message -- "Diamonds are a girl's best friend" -- this will not be one of those Pretty Woman-style shopping sprees. Thank GOD. Instead, Ben and his "ladies" (Lindzi, Courtney, Jennifer, Kacie B., Emily, Rachel, Casey S., Jamie, and Blakeley) are off to Roberto Clemente Stadium for some base-running fun. But before the women can play ball, Harrison emerges from the stands to drop a little motivation in their laps: It seems whichever team wins the upcoming game will be invited to "an incredible, romantic beach party with Ben." The losers will get nothing and like it! Except for the one woman who gets to play on both teams, since there are only nine "ladies" present... and only the Bachelor can tell us who that'll be. Lindzi! Interesting call, sir. You know he really wanted to pick the meanie model but just didn't have the cojones.
NEXT: All aboard the S.S. Bad Idea!