How are you holding up, rose lovers? Me, I'm a little fatigued. When Ben opens this week's episode with yet another platitude -- "It's crazy for me to think that this adventure is almost over" -- all I could think was, "It's making me crazy that this torture isn't yet over." But just two weeks left, right? Let's get through it together.
The time-filling "amazing women" with "a lot of qualities" recap takes up the first chunk of the episode: Nicki is "open, gentle and caring"; Lindzi is "a little bit country and a little bit city," and he's had "premonitions" of their married-with-children life together; and Courtney is "extremely unique" and "incredible" and "a little nerdy." (Editor's note: Has he ever met a nerd?) Still, he's been instructed to worry about how Courtney has treated the other women.
So what to do? Head to Interlaken, Switzerland, where cute mountain goats roam the verdant green hills and old-timey carriages rumble down the tiny town streets. First up to join Ben is Nicki, who greets him in an open field just as a helicopter lands (naturally) to take them on a scenic tour. "My relationship with Nicki is getting to new heights," says Ben, as horrible-pun-hating viewers groan until they barf. "But at the same time, it's grounded." The whirlybird deposits them at the top of a mountain, where the Bachelor and Nicki enjoy a picnic amidst ridiculously gorgeous scenery. (Seriously, it's so pretty, even Ben's flat, stringy hair can't ruin it.) They chat about her hometown date, which as we all remember went nicely, and then the helicopter takes them to yet another mountaintop peak, for no other reason it seems than so Nicki can offer this extremely strained metaphor: "Standing on top of this mountain with Ben, the view goes on forever, which can be compared to our future together. Yet there's always the cliff that you could fall off of, that could be compared to our relationship possibly ending abruptly, and soon."
Later over dinner, Nicki and Ben sit on tree stumps in a log cabin and talk about how excited Nicki is to move to California and wedge herself unobtrusively into Ben's life. "I think about it a lot, the possibility of it working out," says Nicki, who -- though she's only ever wanted two kids -- does not bat an eyelash when Ben says he wants four. (Four!) "That outweighs the chance of being heartbroken tenfold." That is enough talk, toots! Read the date card from Harrison: "Should you choose to forgo your individual rooms..." You know the rest, rose lovers. And you also already know Nicki's answer: "I will accept it." And with that they take off, even though it looks like neither one of them have touched their dinner. The chalet is appropriately rustic and candle-laden, and as Ben pops the champagne, Nicki gives the Bachelor one last hard sell: "I'm not a cocky person, but I am confident that I would make you so happy. I would give you as much as you deserve, because you're a good person, Ben." The pitch continues in the hot tub: "I know I'm in the right place, I know I'm here for a reason, and that makes me more confident in the fact that I know I love you." Like all Bachelors before him, Ben says nothing and just waits for Nicki's lips to stop moving so he can kiss her. Fade to black!
NEXT: The cutest little lambs you ever did see