Image credit: Robert Voets/CBS
MUSCLE FLOATS, RIGHT? What about self-satisfaction?
Next up: a 1000-mile bus ride (??????!) along the Pacific coast to Santiago, Chile. I rewind it twice to make sure this show is the insane party, not me, and yep: The teams must spend at least the next 24 hours on a bus that may or may not contain ladies pretty enough for Jamal. Five of 10 make it onto the earlier and speedier bus, four take a later one that makes more stops, and poor Rowan and Shane misunderstand the operator and end up waving the driver of the second bus to go under the assumption that they'd found a secret magical bus that would get there quicker. But "4 p.m." is the departure time, not the arrival time the next day. That's what you get for not speaking Spanish.
Rowan and Shane are screwed: Even after begging their way onto a slightly earlier bus than the 4 p.m. -- "Muy importante get there earlier, por favor" -- they'll still arrive one or two hours later than the second group. And to add insult to injury, the guy behind the ticket counter tells them, "The next bus is in one hour, maybe." Maybe! Who cares? It'll leave when it feels like it!
On the second-string bus, Nicky and Kim attempt to forge an alliance, or rather a gifting session, with Tim and Marie. Kim calls over Pink Hair's punching bag and gleefully tells him that her husband is David DeJesus, his former baseball teammate at Rutgers. "Let's keep this close," says Tim before consulting with his abuser, who took the vague false promise motif even further. "I have no problem giving you the Express Pass," Marie tells Nicky and Kim, because it is her Express Pass and hers only. "Unless somebody else, like, totally saves our life. Which I don't think anybody's going to, because everybody hates us. I don't care though!" Nicky later begs Marie for the E.P. during the shoeshine challenge, to no avail. "What do I gain? Nothing that they had to offer really helped in any way," explained El Diablo.
"Who's got the knack to pack?" Leg 2's Roadblock "allows the teams to play the role of a Chilean shoeshiner," surely something they've been jonesing for all their lives. They must polish the shoes of a customer (only humiliating if you're Marie!), figure out the puzzle of how to "Put together! This complicated stand." (the trick is that the little stool goes under the chair), and push it six blocks to the "central depot storage area" a.k.a. a small room in an alley.
Packing is just like bagging groceries, so former grocer/NFL star Chester is all over this -- and he finishes first. Leo gets it. So do Adam and Amy, who both speak Spanish really well, at least to my uncivilized ears. Adam even compliments his customer's brand-new shoes! Meanwhile, Amy is great at saying numbers.
"I'm dying," announces Nicole for what seems like the millionth time this hour. She'd previously fallen off her bike, with no ER in sight. The horror!
NEXT: Sorry, real Chilean shoeshiner, but there's a TV show at stake